02 July 2005
 May 2005 - July 2005 List of episodes |
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Episodes:
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Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant present the last ever XFM show, a monumental moment for all 10 listeners. It has to be cut short due to Live 8, and Ricky needing to do the David Brent dance in front of 2 billion people; a worthy cause
Track Listing
1. Steve-ophile
Karl has a new nickname; "Wacky Manc" he was described in a newspaper, while Gervais's genital exposure also made the press. A blast from the past as a listener emails in to say that they remember Karl moonwalking, Karl did "moonwalking, caterpillar, body popping," while he himself did not supply the linoleum. He is also audibly frustrated at Gervais leaving early to "Make Poverty History, Karl." Steve bought a wristband in a shop that read "stop child abuse", as he'd have only spent the money on "kiddie porn" anyway. Gervais doubts the effect of wristbands.
2. Make Pilkington History
Karl wonders what the Monkees song just played was about, and teases us with a mention of this week's "Song With A Story", but won't mention the song yet... The three recap last week's debacle of Wonderful Tonight being about a "wheelchair fella". Karl is annoyed as the day marks not only Live 8 ("sick of it"), but a gay march through London. Pilkington re-tells his theory of "Gay people go out late", then is disgusted that he saw a homosexual man on a bike, in high heels. Steve throws up a dilemma; "if you're gay but want to make poverty history, what are you going to do today?". Karl hates Live8 as "I could've told them ages ago that they weren't going to pay it back." and feels that more stringent checks should have been applied to the Africans, like Karl had to do when he was sorting out his mortgage. Pilky does say that the debt should be cancelled, but only if he is allowed to stop paying for tools for the Etheopians. Still angry, Karl says that he'll be livid if "this time next year, Geldof's putting on another gig." Karl hates crowds so doesn't wish to attend the concert, preferring to stay at home and have a "cake and a cup of tea", so he has a nicer memory. Rikcy points out that Karl will have a nicer memory, as his little round brain will tell him that he did have a cup of tea and cake, but with a monkey. Karl snaps that the two BAFTA winners don't do enough for charity anyway. His idea of charity is "a little Chinese fella sat on the pavement with a poster" while Steve's perfect charity was when women walked through London in their bras.
3. The Last 'Busters
A text message says "Only an hour and a half today, well, poverty does have some benefits", which reminds Ricky of the infamous Richard "Dickie" Anderson. Ladder 49 is a prize for Rockbusters, Steve appeals for a review to be texted in. Here's the clues:
1. "Richard's kid cuts hair for a living, alright?" - BD
2. "I have a problem saying the French word for "well"." - K
3. "Take 52 kebabs, times by 27, the fella is struggling to work it out, whats gone on there?" - DS
Gervais says that the prizes are to good to give away.
4. Lanky Boy Grim
Ricky is nervous about introducing REM at Live 8. Steve attacks Gervais's attire; "Sweatpants, cheap white t-shirt,", basically a 10 year old boy. Steve says Rikcy should have worn a jacket, but Gervais needs his tracksuit bottoms, as he is too lazy to deal with buttons, and one day he dreams of wearing an all in one dry wipe babygrow, complete with built-in oven glove. Steve suggests the red flannel cowboy clothes; long-johns. Gervais laments the lack of correspondance from Dickie Anderson and Chris Campling. Steve says that his DJ'ing is better than Live8, and that at a recent party, the crowd loved it. Karl doubts it, although he doesn't like DJ'ing any more due to crowds, but used to go down a storm with his outfit "Pilkie's Makin' Music". Steve tells of a recent wedding gig; a great story. The lanky one spent hours preparing, wearing a suit and headphones, prepared to do the gig of his life. He opened with Frankie Valley and Jackson 5 but due to the good weather, the room was deserted, as everybody was outside, and unable to hear Steve's set. The goggle eyed freak got agitated at the lack of attendance, and even more livid when an 8 or 9 year old girl ("when children are at their most annoying", Merchant blasts, still bitter) did some insulting MC'ing on a microphone, which goes right into Steve's ears, deafening him. To make matters worse, the child's father the came along, but instead of stopping her, he joined in. Merchant, eyes bulging with anger, got a friend to stealthfully unplug the mic. Eventually, people started to get into the groove, and really enjoyed Steve's set, until... the bride announced that she was throwing the bouquet, then everybody traipsed outside again. Poor lanky.
5. Rainman Keeps Falling On His (Round) Head
Steve says sorry for not doing any shout outs on the show. The Peter Crouch-alike then gives props to his grandparents. All is not well with Karl. He is "rocking like Rainman" as his routine has been broken, Rockbusters has been done early and the plan for the show has been interrupted. Karl reluctantly does Song With A Story; "Wooby Don't Take Your Love To Town".
6. Wheelchair Murders
Karl thinks it is unfair that the wheelchair bound war veteran shoots his wife for cheating on him. "Why don't I meet women like Wooby?" Steve wonders.
7. Karl Plum-ington
Steve and Ricky are annoyed that they are missing Live8, but say that they could do more swearing than usual as nobody is listening. Steve voices his disbelief at Karl's lack of understanding about the Amish community. The daft Manc thinks that the farming people were just delayed, rather than actually acknowledging technology and boycotting it. Karl thinks that they don't know of anything prior to the 20th Century. Ricky puts him right but Pilkington wonders if the Amish still get junk mail. Merchant suggests that Karl should be Amish, but the Manc prefers the Harry Krishna religion, but is interrupted by a coin falling out of Ricky's pocket, due to the fat funnyman lying down. A plum was given to Karl by the Harre Krishnas but he didn't eat it as he wasn't sure where the orange-clad man's hands had been. Steve explains the religion and says that the must chant the name of their religion over again, 5 times a day, which Karl wouldn't want to do, but still insists that it is the religion that he'd choose should he be forced to adopt a belief system. He liked his time in the Crusaders as a child, where he went on Friday nights to play Subbeuteo and table tennis, but not on Sundays, when bibles were brought out. He hid on Sundays but still went on Fridays. Ricky says Karl should get a hobby instead of a faith, Steve suggests Judaism but Karl couldn't deal with the fasting as he likes his Cheerios in the morning.
8. Answers That Make Less Sense Than The Questions They Came From
Rockbusters Answers:
1. BD - Barbara Dixon (barber Dick's son)
2. K - Kasabian (can't say "bien")
3. DS - Donna Summer (donner sum-"errr")
Congratulations to Rob, who sent the text massage earlier, and well done to Gavin Thomson of Edinburgh, who wins the genuine prizes; the Simpsons and Spinal Tap goodies. Kalr frets over how the prizes will get to Edinburgh, Gervais suggests that Bob Geldofe takes them.
9. Poker-mon(key)
Steve says that broadcasting on Live8 is the equivalant of broadcasting on hospital radio durig Christmas Dinner when everybody on the ward has an iPod for Christmas. Karl feels drained then Steve says that it is the most pointless radio show ever. Monkey News; There was a card game taking place at the Luxor Hotel in Las Vegas, in a darkened room. One player is mysterious... Steve wonders if he was holding his cards with his feet. Karl denies that but does say that the players noticed something was odd as they were getting through more nuts than usual. Karl cuts to Bruce Sprinsteen as he can't be bothered. And so endeth the XFM shows... a nation shrugs.
Quotes
Playlist
Landed - Ben Folds
Pleasant Valley Sunday - The Monkees
Gravity - Embrace
Night Swimming - R.E.M
Put The Message In The Box - World Party
Forever Lost - Magic Numbers
I Still Have That Other Girl In My Head - Elvis Costello
Fishing For A Dream - Turin Brakes
Thunder Road - Bruce Springsteen
Extras
Transcript needed
Download
http://www.sendspace.com/file/arc0a6
http://rapidshare.de/files/32357991/s04e06.mp3
http://www.f-forge.com?d=iBuILzWr9DwFhZPRKlQ6