07 June 1998

Ricky promises no more swearing or profanity in this show after his mother told him off for swearing last week. Steve mocks Ricky's mum's, discusses the "perfect murder" and the duo give away wrist bands to see Embrace at HMV.

Xfm Series 0 January 1998 - August 1998 List of episodes

Episodes: 31 May 1998 (Transcript) 07 June 1998 (Transcript) Tape 1 Side A (Transcript) Tape 1 Side B (Transcript) Tape 2 Side A (Transcript) Tape 2 Side B (Transcript) Tape 3 Side A (Transcript) Tape 3 Side B (Transcript) Tape 4 (Transcript) The Best of the Rest (Transcript)

Track Listing

1. Kicking Off With This Little Ditty

Ricky briefly introduces the show and gives a flavour of the upcoming playlist.

2. A Lovely Berkshire Accent

Steve mentions his mobile disco briefly, before Ricky segues into wanting to reduce the swearing on the show after a warning, not from the station bosses, not from the radio authority, but from his mum who he called in the week. He plays a recording of this conversation, she complains about the swearing before Ricky winds her up with false accounts of his upbringing, it is her 73rd birthday, she implores Ricky to get Steve to stop calling him 'Gervais', insisting his correct 'handle' is Ricky, or at the least for him to pronounce Gervais properly (Jer-vay).

3. I'm In The Land Of The Brain Bottles

Steve winds Ricky up about the pronounciation and about his mum using the word 'handle' instead of 'name', apparently this is because Mrs Gervais was into CB radio and was a member of a housewife gang.

4. How Do You Explain That Physique?

Ricky and his mum discuss Gary Crowley, his mum feigns awareness of this particular DJ, they talk about pronounciation some more and Ricky makes further scandalous claims about his mother. She records an ident, and bids him farewell. Steve mocks Ricky's fear of his mum, and worries that a lack of swearing may compromise the quality of the show.

5. Big Block Of Ice

They discuss using an ice arrow as a weapon, Ricky thinks it's a crap idea, so they solicit suggestions from the listeners on 0171 580 2000 or faxes on 0171 580 1234. They offer a pair of Embrace wristbands in return for the best entry.

6. Tell Her You're Gay, Ray

Ricky's been listening to Capital, they play the hits from the 70s, 80s and now, apparently, following on from the bullying by Hanson, another musician has been picking on Ricky - Paul Simon's been nicking his ideas. Ricky wrote a song called 'Lots of Ways to Leave a Lover', which Simon changed to '50 Ways to Leave Your Lover', very similar lyrics, but Simon's made it a bit snappier and sold millions of copies of it. They brainstorm some new lyrics, rubbish ones.

7. The Biscuit And Flesh-Eating Squirrel Of Old Regent's Park

Steve reads out listener suggestions as to the 'perfect murder', including using a leg of lamb in a Tales of the Unexpected-inspired killing and freezing someone's feet in water to drown them. The winner is Greg, who suggests covering a naked person in crushed biscuits while naked in a park, so they are then eaten to death by vampire squirrels, he gets wristbands to see Embrace.

8. Ricky's Got The Best Voice

The boys announce who has won the rest of the Embrace wristbands, and give details of where they can be collected. Ricky reads a letter from Tracy Mahoney, complimenting him and Steve, Ricky then sets a question for listeners to win tickets to see The Jesus and Mary Chain, "What is Steve?"

9. You've Got Very Similar Gills

Answers to the "What is Steve?" question have come in: "A lonely man", "alien sex fiend", "married to his sister", "murdering squirrel", "king of the insects", "a love machine" (made-up), "Jesus" and a "gabby git". The last two win the tickets.

Quotes

Steve: See when I want to explain something alright, Gervais, what I do is, I think 'What do I need to say, how can I best express it, which words shall I use and in what order ... when you want to express something you just go "Words, words, words, words, stop, words, words, oh, annoyed, annoyed, words", D'you know what I mean, it's just gobbledygook, Gervais!

Playlist

Mock Turtles - Can You Dig It?
Faith No More - From Out Of Nowhere
Radiohead - No Surprises
Kenny Rogers - Just Dropped In (To See What Condition My Condition Was In)
Jesus and Mary Chain - Black
PJ Harvey - Victory
Scope - Song for Bobby
Mudhoney - Night of the Hunted
Oasis - Some Might Say
Nirvana - On A Plain
Scott 4 - Your Kingdom to Dust
Bran Van 3000 - Drinking In La
Pulp - Babies
Suede - We Are the Pigs
The Cure - Close to Me
Puff Daddy - Come With Me

Download

Toucan vault / MF