22 February 2003/Transcript

This is a transcript of the 22 February 2003 'Best of' episode, from Xfm Series 2.

Next Week Is The Best Of This Week

Song: Eminem – Sing for the Moment

Steve: 104.9 Xfm, Ricky Gervais, Steve Merchant, Karl Pilkington's pressing the buttons.

Karl: Alright?

Ricky laughs.

Steve: We're playing some err, some great moments from the last three weeks...

Ricky: ...and some great records, Steve, from the last two weeks.

Steve: That's true enough.

Ricky: Yeah.

Steve: We're not actually here today, what are you up to today Rick?

Ricky: Erm, it's eight hours earlier, so this is about two o'clock, probably, so it's about six o'clock in the morning, I'm still in bed mate, I'm asleep, in me hotel room.

Steve: Now, where are you?

Ricky: We're in L.A.

Steve: Los Angeles.

Ricky: Yeah.

Steve: City of Angels, Rick.

Ricky: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Steve: City of Angels.

Ricky: Yeah, and that's what we're doing, that's why we're not here, we're not here next week either, so next week is the best of this week.

Song: The Smiths - There Is A Light That Never Goes Out

Normally I Like Cats

Classic link: Have You Ever Seen A Bald Pet?

Song: Goldrush - "I Let You Down"

I'm Beginning To Wonder If It Was Worth Our Time

Song: The Coral - "Don't Think You're The First"

Ricky: Well, here we are again. Xfm on a Saturday, just gone 1 o'clock Steve, if I'm very much mistaken, but we're not here, as such, we're away again, gallivanting around, erm, we've gotta do a special sort of 'Best of' again.

Steve: Okay.

Ricky: Which we did a few weeks ago, so this is the best of the last three weeks...

Steve laughs.

Ricky: Which I think is, I mean I think it's the best three weeks we've ever had. But I'd like it condensed into two hours.

Steve: Yeah, some great music as well in there?

Ricky: Yeah, there'll be some great music, interspersed with fine chat, that you've already heard.

Steve: Yeah.

Ricky: Except this bit, this bit's new. We've actually, out of the kindness of our heart, we've come in, erm, we've come in last week.

Steve: Yep... yep.

Ricky: ...and we've done a few clips. Just cos we felt a bit guilty about shooting off and leaving...

Steve: I mean even now, having heard this link, I'm beginning to wonder if it was worth our time.

Ricky: Erm, yeah, well, shall we play a classic link?

Steve: Lets, I'd love, what from the last three weeks?

Ricky: After this, this is Feeder.

Song: Feeder - Just The Way I'm Feeling

Well It's Not True, Before You Say It

Ricky: If you've just tuned in, it's Xfm 104.9, you've got that bit right, it's the Ricky Gervais Show, with me Stephen Merchant.

Steve: Hello there.

Ricky: Karl is actually in a little booth, we're not in the studio you see, this is pre-recorded, we recorded this last week, cos we're away, and this is sort of like the 'best of', best of the last three weeks, since last time we were away when we put out the 'best of'...

Classic link: Talkin Of Ghosts An' That

Song: ?

A C*nt In A Jester's Hat

Song: Placebo – Bitter End

Steve: That's a wonderful, wonderful clip.

Ricky: Yeah.

Steve: ...and the record that preceded or followed it, I'm not sure.

Ricky cackles.

Steve: But, er...

Ricky: Oh dear.

Steve: Could I, could I make some dedications Rick?

Ricky: Yeah.

Steve: Cos I, last week, just before we had to come in to record this, popped out trying to get on the tube, had a nightmare, cos there were loads, millions of protesters...

Ricky: Yeah.

Steve: ...so-called protesters, a lot of them obviously doing good work, there was one fella, I think you would have appreciated it, cos I know you are very politically active and I think this guy has really studied hard and has realised the best way to make his voice heard on the international political stage, is to ride around on a tricycle wearing a jester's hat.

Ricky laughs.

Steve: He was really shaking up the bloody government.

Ricky: I wouldn't wanna be George W. Bush about now!

Steve: Not indeed.

Ricky: Once he sees that...

Steve: When he sees that guy.

Ricky: Imagine his aides rushing in and going “err George W, hmm, look at this guy” 'where's that?' “that's in London, England” 'okay call off the forces.'

Steve: “Is that a large tricycle?”

Ricky: Yeah.

Steve: 'Is he wearing a nappy?'

Ricky laughs.

Ricky: “Get me Colin Powell.” 'Why do you call him Colin (co-lin) not Colin (col-in)?', “it's the way he likes it, don't f*ck about, just call off the troops, there's a c*nt in a jester's hat, f*cking call the troops off.”

Steve: Just bleep some of those bits.

Ricky laughs.

I Might Have Just Got Used To It

Ricky: Xfm 104.9, of a Saturday, Ricky Gervais, with me, Steve Merchant.

Steve: Hello.

Ricky: But, we're not here, no we're away, so this is the best of and I hope you're enjoying it, erm, we certainly are.

Classic link: All I'm Gonna Win is a Moped

Song: AC/DC - You Shook Me All Night Long

Flashdance - “First There Was” – Oh It's A Warehouse, Nevermind

Classic link: Chuckin' a Stone in the Air

Song: David Bowie - Ashes To Ashes

We've Done Octopus

Song: Coldplay - Clocks

Ricky: Xfm 104.9, we're not here. Erm this next clip is one of my favourite clips, look, it needs no introduction, here it is.

Classic link: This week, Snails

Song: Aimee Mann - Red Vines

What About This Weather

Song: The Doves – There Goes the Fear

Steve: Xfm 104.9, Ricky Gervais show with Steve Merchant, hello there, and we're not here this week, we're off jetting around the world, so we've pre-recorded these links, the time is currently somewhere between 1 and 3 o'clock.

Ricky: So, a timecheck there from Steve Merchant.

Steve: No problem.

Ricky: Yeah and oh, what- what about this weather, isn't it warm – stroke – edit that Karl – cold, okay, whichever one.

Steve: I'm pleased to see that the congestion charge has had some considerable effect/had no effect.

Ricky: Yeah so just you know, erm, oh wasn't that great on the telly last night, the film...

Steve: I particularly enjoyed last night's Eastenders/Coronation Street/Brookside.

Ricky: Okay...

They giggle.

He Finishes The Day Off With A Little Brandy

Song: Flaming Lips - Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots

Classic link: Tell Us About This Monkey, Karl

Song: Oasis - Songbird

You Can't Accuse Him Of Being A Tranny

Classic link: Michael Jackson's Hands

Song: Pretenders - Brass In Pocket

Do You Know The Way To Camden

Song: Turin Brakes - Painkiller (Summer Rain)

Ricky: If you've just tuned in, it's Xfm 104.9, you've got that bit right, it's the Ricky Gervais Show, with me Stephen Merchant.

Steve: Hello there.

Ricky: Karl is actually in a little booth, we're not in the studio you see, this is pre-recorded, we recorded this last week, cos we're away, and this is sort of like the 'best of', best of the last three weeks, since last time we were away when we put out the 'best of'...

Classic link: I've Just Nicked Five Of Your DVDs

Song: The Hives - Hate To Say I Told You So