20 December 2003

Xfm Series 3 November 2003 - January 2004 List of episodes

Episodes: 01 November 2003 08 November 2003 (Transcript) 15 November 2003 (Transcript) 22 November 2003 (Transcript) 29 November 2003 (Transcript) 06 December 2003 (Transcript) 13 December 2003 20 December 2003 27 December 2003 ('Best of') 03 January 2004 (Transcript) 10 January 2004 17 January 2004 (Transcript)

Track Listing

1. The King of Rock (0:00:00)

Ian Camfield, "The King of Rock", stands in for Karl, who is on holiday in Lanzarote. Ricky Gervais wants Camfield's four pillars of rock and the king who stands astride them.

2. Ricky's flatulence (0:03:06)

Stephen Merchant talks about Ricky's flatulence "problem". He doesn't like spending time in the toilet as he may miss out on some funny conversation, so he goes as little as possible. His farts make Steve's eyes "bleed".

3. "What are your thoughts on Xfm?" (0:06:06)

Steve questions Camfield on his feelings on Xfm as a whole, to which he replies "it's not quite Magic".

4. Brown's Bidet (0:12:03)

Steve talks about his visit from Derren Brown, and the fact that he's got a bidet. He says "I've never got my head around it", to which Ricky replies "you're not meant to". The three of them spend a good five minutes discussing bidets.

5. Chinese gay fellas (0:17:47)

Ricky comes to the realisation that there are a billion people in China, and one-in-ten people are homosexual. Ipso facto, there are a hundred million little gay Chinamen and Chinawomen.

6. The Christmas con (0:22:38)

Steve retells the story of how distraught he was when he bought a PlayStation 2 for £20 more than another shop was charging. He then goes on to tell us a new story of how he was conned by some aggressive teenage girls who said they were doing a sponsorship for no reason apparent to Stephen. He fobbed them off with £3.

7. Wossy wings in (0:37:57)

Jonathan Ross rings in and chats with the gang. He has a suggestion for a name for the best ever rock band name (Blump). He talks about a picture of Ricky in his younger years, and says he looks like a "dyke at a wedding".

8. The best ever rock band (0:41:52)

Some suggestions for the competition:

- Tungsten Lung Haemorrhage

- God Dildo

- Balls of Steel

- Brainhammer

- Tumour Fish

- Deathlehem (winner, sent in by Ben)

Ian Camfield's four pillars of rock and the king who stands astride them

- Lemmy

- Keith Moon

- Keith Richards

- Robert Plant

- Johnny Vance (the king who stands astride them)

Playlist

Isis - Merry Christmas
Thin Lizzy - Don't Believe a Word
(Unknown) - Carry On
The Pogues ft. Kirsty MacColl - Fairytale of New York
Richard Ashcroft - Check the Meaning
John Lennon & Yoko Ono - The War is Over
Jona Lewie - Stop the Cavalry
The Who - Won't Get Fooled Again
Pharrell ft. Jay-Z - Frontin'
The Darkness - (Unknown)
Kings of Leon - Wasted Time
Rainbow - Since You've Been Gone
Iron Maiden - Santa Claus is Coming to Town