16 August 2003/Transcript

This is a transcription of the 16 August 2003 episode, from Xfm Series 2

Embarrassing Being on Xfm

Song: Placebo - Special Needs

Ricky: Five past one then, already, on a Saturday, so I'm Ricky Gervais, that was Placebo, yeh, with "Special Needs" which brings me to my next point. With me, Karl Pilkington.

Steve: Karl Pilkington, there he is.

Ricky: And Steve Merchant. 104.9

Steve: That's it.

Ricky: We're back then.

Steve: Well, for one last time.

Ricky: Well, it's certainly the end of the season. We're away for at least, you know, 2 months. We're doing the Office Special, um, and possibly forever depending on whether Karl decided he wants to carry on with this. Because, I mean, we do this for fun, we don't need to do this, we don't need to do this for, you know, um, money, obviously not.

Steve: The kind of money you're earning, Rick, you do not need to do this.

Ricky: I don't think so. It's, quite honestly, beneath me.

Steve: Yeah.

Ricky: You know. We don't need to do it to further our career because it's embarrassing being on Xfm.

Steve: You know people say, "Don't even bother cashing those Xfm cheques. It's not worth your while."

Ricky: No, it's not, it's not. Yeah, the time it took to sign them, it wasn't, it wasn't worth it. Um, so, we do this basically ridicule Karl on a large sort of platform, I say, large platform.

Steve laughs

Steve: Yeah.

Ricky: Xfm. Um, no other radio station will have us.

Steve: I mean, it's roughly the same as standing up in McDonald's

Ricky: I'd imagine so. But, over lunchtime though.

Steve: Yeah, yeah, or when its just the cleaning staff wobbling around.

Ricky laughs

Ricky: Yeah. So, er, and if Karl doesn't come back, he's breaking up the three-way partnership.

Steve: He's very much Sting, isn't he, in what, about 1986, '87.

Ricky: Exactly.

Steve: He's gonna go off and, sort of, make some quite poor, sort of, jazz-inflected white man's soul leaving us to go about our business

Ricky: Play pizza places and...

Steve laughs

Steve: Exactly. Yeah. Well I'm going to go in to, sort of,...

Ricky: Say, "Dad, why can't I be in the CIA?"

Steve: Yeah.

Ricky: "You don't know anything about it. You're a drummer."

Steve: Yeah.

Ricky: Um, so, uh, we'll, we'll have to see, I mean, do you think anyone cares?

Steve: I wouldn't have thought so. Because, if someone was interesting in having some good chat and some great laughs, they'd spend more time with their friends

Ricky: Yeah. Or listen to another radio station.

Steve: Or listen to a decent radio station.

Ricky: Jonathan Ross or something like that, yeah.

Steve: I think they listen to Xfm for some music in the background that's loud enough...

Ricky: Yeah.

Steve: So they can hear it while they're hoovering.

Ricky: Yeah, I don't think our fans hoover.

Steve: Well, true, true.

Ricky: I think you've got to have...

Steve: Or shoot up, whatever.

Ricky: I think you've got to have a house to hoover. I'll tell you what they do want though. Some great music.

Steve: They do, indeed.

Ricky: They'll be saying, "Since you've been gone...". See that, that's the sort of link I can do.

Steve: Oh, that's quite quality.

Ricky: If we stayed together...

Steve: If you cut out all the other drivel you speak, you'd be great on Magic.

Ricky: I know, yeah. Um, you've got...

Steve: Come on.

Ricky: You've got, I know, you've got to rainbow something, haven't you?

Steve: Rainbow?

Ricky: You've got to rainbow something!

Steve laughs

Steve: It's Rainbow.

Song: Rainbow - Since You've Been Gone