16 August 2003/Transcript
This is a transcription of the 16 August 2003 episode, from Xfm Series 2
Embarrassing Being on Xfm
Song: Placebo - Special Needs
Ricky: Five past one then, already, on a Saturday, so I'm Ricky Gervais, that was Placebo, yeh, with "Special Needs" which brings me to my next point. With me, Karl Pilkington.
Steve: Karl Pilkington, there he is.
Ricky: And Steve Merchant. 104.9
Steve: That's it.
Ricky: We're back then.
Steve: Well, for one last time.
Ricky: Well, it's certainly the end of the season. We're away for at least, you know, 2 months. We're doing the Office Special, um, and possibly forever depending on whether Karl decided he wants to carry on with this. Because, I mean, we do this for fun, we don't need to do this, we don't need to do this for, you know, um, money, obviously not.
Steve: The kind of money you're earning, Rick, you do not need to do this.
Ricky: I don't think so. It's, quite honestly, beneath me.
Steve: Yeah.
Ricky: You know. We don't need to do it to further our career because it's embarrassing being on Xfm.
Steve: You know people say, "Don't even bother cashing those Xfm cheques. It's not worth your while."
Ricky: No, it's not, it's not. Yeah, the time it took to sign them, it wasn't, it wasn't worth it. Um, so, we do this basically ridicule Karl on a large sort of platform, I say, large platform.
Steve laughs
Steve: Yeah.
Ricky: Xfm. Um, no other radio station will have us.
Steve: I mean, it's roughly the same as standing up in McDonald's
Ricky: I'd imagine so. But, over lunchtime though.
Steve: Yeah, yeah, or when its just the cleaning staff wobbling around.
Ricky laughs
Ricky: Yeah. So, er, and if Karl doesn't come back, he's breaking up the three-way partnership.
Steve: He's very much Sting, isn't he, in what, about 1986, '87.
Ricky: Exactly.
Steve: He's gonna go off and, sort of, make some quite poor, sort of, jazz-inflected white man's soul leaving us to go about our business
Ricky: Play pizza places and...
Steve laughs
Steve: Exactly. Yeah. Well I'm going to go in to, sort of,...
Ricky: Say, "Dad, why can't I be in the CIA?"
Steve: Yeah.
Ricky: "You don't know anything about it. You're a drummer."
Steve: Yeah.
Ricky: Um, so, uh, we'll, we'll have to see, I mean, do you think anyone cares?
Steve: I wouldn't have thought so. Because, if someone was interesting in having some good chat and some great laughs, they'd spend more time with their friends
Ricky: Yeah. Or listen to another radio station.
Steve: Or listen to a decent radio station.
Ricky: Jonathan Ross or something like that, yeah.
Steve: I think they listen to Xfm for some music in the background that's loud enough...
Ricky: Yeah.
Steve: So they can hear it while they're hoovering.
Ricky: Yeah, I don't think our fans hoover.
Steve: Well, true, true.
Ricky: I think you've got to have...
Steve: Or shoot up, whatever.
Ricky: I think you've got to have a house to hoover. I'll tell you what they do want though. Some great music.
Steve: They do, indeed.
Ricky: They'll be saying, "Since you've been gone...". See that, that's the sort of link I can do.
Steve: Oh, that's quite quality.
Ricky: If we stayed together...
Steve: If you cut out all the other drivel you speak, you'd be great on Magic.
Ricky: I know, yeah. Um, you've got...
Steve: Come on.
Ricky: You've got, I know, you've got to rainbow something, haven't you?
Steve: Rainbow?
Ricky: You've got to rainbow something!
Steve laughs
Steve: It's Rainbow.
Song: Rainbow - Since You've Been Gone