14 December 2002/Transcript

This is a transcript of the 14 December 2002 episode, from Xfm Series 2.

Ralph Littleton, #342 (0:00:00)

Song: Eminem - Lose Yourself

Ricky: Eminem, Lose Yourself on Xfm 104.9. I'm Ricky Gervais, with me Steve Merchant.

Steve: Hello there.

Ricky: But not Karl Pilkington.

Steve: No Karl. No. No.

Ricky: He's gone back to Manchester innit?

Steve laughs

Ricky: It's better than London.

Steve: Yeah.

Ricky: You don't know it. You don't know it. Manchester's better than London. Instead, Claire Sturgess.

Claire: Yeah.

Steve: Claire Sturgess, a round of applause for Claire.

Claire: Yeah.

Ricky: Yeah.

Claire: Yeah, thanks.

Steve: Yeah.

Claire: Thanks, yeah, thanks.

Claire: I will-

Steve: Come down in sort of the camouflage gear I notice. Is that quite trendy? Is that what the kids are wearing?

Claire: Yeah, do you know, it's funny

Claire laughs

Claire: Someone actually mentioned that this morning-

Ricky: Or are you on maneuvers?

Steve laughs

Steve: Yeah.

Claire: I am.

Steve: Exactly.

Claire: I am actually.

Ricky: Yeah.

Claire: Taking time out.

Ricky: Yeah.

Claire: This morning. From what I normally do.

Steve: Sure.

Ricky: I missed the, er, second half - talking about that - of Celebrity, erm, Bootcamp.

Steve: I don't know what that is.

Ricky: Coolio.

Steve: Is it?

Ricky: The fella from, um, Milli Vanilli

Steve: What, the one that's not dead?

Claire: Eh?

Ricky: Uh no, the one that killed himself, Steve.

Steve: Sure.

Claire laughs

Ricky: Um...

Steve: No, I just wanted to clarify for people. A lot of people don't realise that one of them is dead.

Ricky: Right.

Steve laughs

Steve: I thought it was important to mention it.

Claire: Actually, d'you know, I didn't know

Steve: I'll be honest with you, I hadn't thought it through.

Ricky: No.

Steve: It was a piece of interesting Milli Vanilli trivia that I had, and I wanted to slip it in.

Ricky: But what wasn't really trivia-

Steve: But I tell you-

Ricky: It was a question. You could've went "what", the one who's not dead.

Steve: What I'm trying to say Rick is, I could've found a more tactful way of bringing up the death of one of Milli Vanilli.

Ricky: Yeah.

Steve: 'Cause I think there are a lot of people out there now upset. Maybe, didn't realise.

Ricky: Actually, yeah. People who didn't know...

Steve: It's quite a shock. I didn't...I mean I should've sat people down-

Ricky: Who did...who died? Vanilli or Milli?

Steve: I think it was...I think it was Milli

Ricky: Oh right, okay.

Claire: No it was Vanilli, wasn't it?

Steve: I don't know, erm...

Claire: No but I don't know, I didn't actually...

Ricky: Oh that is-

Claire: I'm guessing.

Steve: But wait a minute I've always confused Milli Vanilli with Scritti Politti, I-

Ricky laughs

Steve: 'Cause I mean, that is a danger.

Ricky: Oh, no, you're thinking of the fella out of Grumple Palumple.

Steve and Claire laugh

Ricky: Because he was amazing.

Steve: He was amazing, it's-it's a great shame that he-

Ricky: Topped himself, before, not around-

Steve laughs

Ricky: Anyway, um, cor we've got some great tunes lined up. We're gonna play, today, erm, th- our favourite singles-

Steve: Well it's-

Ricky: -Of the year.

Steve: -Favourite tunes. Things that didn't quite make it as tunes maybe. But tunes of the year, 'cause obviously Christmas very soon and, uh, we'll be away for a short time.

Ricky: I think next week we're doing our favourite Christmas songs of all time.

Steve: Yeah, I'm worried we're not going to fill two hours with that. I mean how many times can you play Shakin' Stevens before uh-

Ricky laughs

Ricky: Fairytale of New York.

Steve: Yeah, exactly.

Ricky: There it is again.

Steve: I mean that's really the only one isn't it?

Ricky: That's the best one. That's the best Christmas song ever.

Steve: That one's good, obviously there's Joni Mitchell's The River, that starts with a kind of Christmassy feel.

Ricky: Beautiful. Beautiful.

Steve: I'm trying to think if there's anything else. Not a great deal...

Ricky: Um.

Claire: The Waitresses, Christmas Wrapping.

Ricky: Is that a good one?

Claire: A favourite of mine.

Steve: Is that good?

Claire: Yeah, yeah.

Ricky: So This is Christmas, John Lennon. Paul McCartney came out with Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time.

Steve laughs

Steve: Christmas Time.

Ricky: Yeah.

Steve: Yeah, exactly.

Ricky: Yeah, yeah.

Steve: But John's was Happy Christmas, War is Over. Of course it wasn't, but uh, obviously-

Ricky: But I mean, at least he wanted it to be.

Steve: No at least he was dreaming of it, He was dreaming of it.

Ricky: Yeah.

Steve: I mean, god bless him.

Ricky: Yeah, and to show how much he hates war-

Steve: I- John Lennon's dead as well, I don't know if anyone's...

Ricky: Yeah, no, they're aware of that.

Steve: That's just another bit of rock and roll trivia.

Ricky: I like John's protest against war, he stayed in bed for a week.

Steve laughs

Steve: Yeah.

Ricky: I'd have done that. If they'd been protesting against war I'd have been in bed for ages.

Steve laughs

Ricky: I'm eating hamburgers, if there's war.

Steve: Absolutely.

Steve laughs

Ricky: Wh- I jus- I just came into Burger King, on the way here, I went into th-

Steve: I mean, of cours- let's not, not product placement there. There's a number of other burgers joint which people may wish to go to instead-

Ricky: I would go to McDonalds. I would go to McDonalds.

Steve: Exactly.

Ricky: But I went into Burger King, 'cause it's close.

Steve: It's convenient.

Ricky: And-

Steve: But then often McDonalds is more convenient.

Ricky: It was convenient but McDonalds can be just as convenient-

Steve laughs

Steve: Yeah.

Ricky: -Depends where you are.

Steve: Just as convenient, depends where you are.

Ricky: Yeah, erm, and I said, er, what did I say, I said, um, "can I have...a...cheeseburger and small fries, takeaway please." And he recognised me, he went "oh I've seen you on telly." And I went "yeah." And he went "uh there's your milkshake", and I went "thanks." He wen- he winked and went "I've put large fries in."

Steve and Claire laugh

Steve: Brilliant.

Steve laughs

Ricky: So that...

Steve: So, but I love that-

Ricky: So it's paying off at last, true genius is being rewarded-

Steve: But I'm just intrigued to know-

Ricky: -By these burger joints.

Steve: -'Cause, I mean, there's been a couple of times where I've been with you and, you know, we've gone in a restaurant and someone's given you a free meal or whatever.

Ricky: I know.

Steve: And it's the way it's like, you don't ask for it.

Ricky: No.

Steve: It's just kind of offered. But I don't know what they're expecting in return.

Ricky: Nothing.

Steve: I mean, do think that you'll go away and you'll always think fondly of you know-

Ricky: No.

Steve: -Chad, who works in Burger King.

Ricky: No I just thi- I just think they think, ooh, I don't know.

Steve: I'm gonna give him a little treat.

Ricky: Yeah. I know, I don't like it, but I'm always grateful and I never-

Steve: Yeah.

Ricky: -But the things is I- yeah, I'm slightly embarrassed but...

Steve: Did anyone run around you hear what had happened?

Ricky: No.

Steve: 'Cause I imagine their resentment- just the whole room turned on you.

Ricky: No they didn't, I had to go around telling them.

Steve laughs

Steve: I mean, yeah...yeah...

Ricky: I- I went up to someone and I said "excuse me, did you hear that? He just gave me the free thing, 'cause I'm on the telly."

Steve laughs

Ricky: And they went "oh, I don't recognise you." And I went, "you don't recognise me?"

Steve: I'm terrified now that uh-

Claire laughs

Steve: -That someone could be listening at Burger King HQ, you know I'm assuming this is an unorthodox procedure.

Ricky: And that little fella's got fired.

Steve: We kn- They know it's Leicester Square now 'cause...I've just mentioned it. So they know which Burger King it is.

Claire laughs

Ricky: Oh my god. I don't know...

Steve: What was his name?

Ricky: Ralph Littleton.

Steve and Claire laugh

Steve: Yeah.

Ricky: He- he had a name badge, number 342.

Steve: Well I just hope Littleton doesn't get in trouble.

Ricky: So, uh, what are we gonna play first?

Steve: That's gonna be a sad Christmas for him.

Ricky laughs

Ricky: Yeah.

Steve: Probably keeping his whole family afloat.

Ricky: Um, bit of Springsteen.

Steve: Well, tunes of the year. Now I know a lot of people dismiss Springsteen, but, uh, as I say, the gig went to see earlier in the year, I mean it-

Ricky: Sturgess couldn't believe we were going to play Springsteen.

Steve: -Was quite brilliant. I just think, you know, leave aside what you think is cool and trendy, and the fact that he's older now-

Claire: Really?

Steve: Yeah.

Claire: Really?

Steve: Just leave all that behind-

Claire: Yeah?

Steve: -And just listen to the tunes, because, you know, he remains a great musician.

Ricky: Lonesome Day?

Steve: Lonesome Day, the current single, the first track on the album.

Ricky: Free, free chips.

Steve laughs

Steve: Absolutely.

Song: Bruce Springsteen - Lonesome Day