21 June 2003: Difference between revisions

Latest revision as of 17:20, 29 October 2020

Xfm Series 2
August 2002 - August 2003
List of episodes

Episodes:

24 August 2002 (Transcript)
31 August 2002 (Transcript)
07 September 2002 (Transcript)
14 September 2002 (Transcript) ('Best of')
21 September 2002 (Transcript)
28 September 2002 (Transcript)
05 October 2002 (Transcript)
12 October 2002 (Transcript)
19 October 2002 (Transcript)
26 October 2002 (Transcript)
02 November 2002 (Transcript)
09 November 2002 (Transcript)
16 November 2002 (Transcript)
23 November 2002 (Transcript)
30 November 2002 (Transcript)
07 December 2002 (Transcript)
14 December 2002 (Transcript)
21 December 2002 (Transcript)
28 December 2002 (Transcript) ('Best of')
04 January 2003 (Transcript)
11 January 2003 (Transcript)
18 January 2003 (Transcript)
25 January 2003 (Transcript)
01 February 2003 (Transcript)
08 February 2003 (Transcript)
15 February 2003 (Transcript)
22 February 2003 (Transcript) ('Best of')
01 March 2003 (Transcript) ('Best of')
08 March 2003 (Transcript)
15 March 2003 (Transcript)
22 March 2003 (Transcript)
29 March 2003 (Transcript)
05 April 2003 (Transcript)
12 April 2003 (Transcript)
19 April 2003 (Transcript)
26 April 2003 (Transcript)
03 May 2003 (Transcript)
10 May 2003 (Transcript)
17 May 2003 (Transcript)
31 May 2003 (Transcript)
07 June 2003 (Transcript)
14 June 2003 (Transcript)
21 June 2003 (Transcript)
28 June 2003
05 July 2003
12 July 2003
19 July 2003
26 July 2003
02 August 2003
09 August 2003
16 August 2003

Track Listing

For a full transcript of this episode see 21 June 2003/Transcript.

1. It Wasn't Even a Holiday (0:00:00)

Ricky loves The Darkness. Jools Holland wasn't allowed to play boogie woogie. Karl starts in early ripping on Steve's thrift. Steve's last holiday was in Cuba, where they'll do anything for a dollar. Karl begins to report on his trip to Cornwall, which has a lot of "messed up old people". A woman with a bad neck and Suzanne as Karl's mummy. They tried to set up a meeting but Steve wouldn't go.

2. Monkey Spotted Holidaying in Cornwall (0:05:09)

A listener has sent in a clever email. Ricky and Steve had asked the listeners to annoy Karl on email but they sent all of them to Ricky. Karl recounts his attempt to visit Monkey World, but it wasn't Monkey World so Karl aborted the mission. They went to an amusement park instead, and Karl's dad wanted to follow a fat family into the House of Mirrors. Karl's mam bought a figurine for £2.99. Karl's into tanks. Don't waste money on funerals.

3. Build A Big Horse, Hide Inside It (0:11:47)

Steve brings up The Trojan Horse story, about which Karl is not familiar. Ricky and Steve don't think it was such a great idea and riff other possibilities. Sort of an informal Educating Karl.

4. Beware Greeks Bearing Gifts (0:17:31)

Karl imagines Christmas Day would be rubbish per an expression he's just learned. You may as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb. Don't try to teach your granny to suck eggs. Don't nudge your granny when she's shaving. Horrifying innuendo about Karl's granny depilating her nether regions. Steve reads the Rockbusters prizes. Ricky guesses which songs are on a compilation based on the band. Karl reads the clues.

5. I Love Your Family (0:24:50)

A story about Karl's 18 year old father who worked on a Manchester train and caused £3-4m damage. The station was shut for 4 weeks, he hurt his wrist, and got paid for 3 weeks off sick. Ricky and Steve love it.

6. Unlikely Lust Objects (0:28:55)

More empty threats from Ricky about Rockbusters. Karl reads the Rockbusters clues again, this time with feeling. How does Karl get so many holidays? Karl's dad and Suzanne played crib but Karl's not good enough at maths to play. Karl researched swingers in one of Suzanne's magazines and has some thoughts. Women still get crushes. "Lanky co-writer" has finally made a list. Karl wouldn't waste his time on the woman who wrote the list.

7. Is She a Swinger (0:35:19)

Did Steve make the freak list? The woman who wrote the list has emailed in, quite offended. Karl has another diss for her. Lisa Riley jokes.

8. Apparently She Cried When She Finished the Last One (0:38:01)

Ricky and Steve hate adults who read Harry Potter. Steve overheard some waiting outside Waterstones in Hampstead. Back to the woman who made the list and Karl is scared to say anymore. He's suddenly attracted to her picture. Karl didn't read Harry Potter because he confused it with Beatrix Potter. Karl's mam used to make up stories for Karl as a kid, including one about a little red car and another about a kid who had two dogs.

9. The Worst You've Ever Done (0:43:42)

Karl finishes his mam's dog story. Even the mental fans aren't getting the Rockbusters clues. Karl's got the answers and what answers they are. Dire Steaks?

10. Had To Thump It In the Head (0:51:28)

Monkey News this week is provided by Karl's dad, who had a mate with a chimp who tried it on with his wife. Once when Karl's dad went over the house, the chimp answered the door. A Monkey News Extra is the etymology of the expression "monkey business". Ricky is in hysterics and Karl tries to end the show but Steve won't let him.

Rockbusters

If you're going to France by a boat, I'd get your fags on there 'cause it's a lot cheaper. B.F.
This little foreign cafe is growing its own steak. D.
The Jamaican fella might have screamed this on the Titanic. C.D.

Quotes

Karl: The only reason you don't go on holiday, is 'cause you have to spend money.

Ricky: So we've got nothing prepared for this show?
Karl: Well, you can rely on Rockbusters.
Steve: We've got nothing.

a listener: Does Karl have any Trojan in him?
Karl: What?

Karl: "Lanky co-writer ... "
Steve: What do you mean, 'lanky co-writer'?
Karl: Well, do I need to say any more?

Karl: Turns out it was another load of monkeys from another part of the island...from the rough bit...
(Ricky and Steve laugh)
Ricky: From the rough bit! From the rough bit! I love it! They went to a middle class area!
Steve: They're the ones with the leather jackets and the ear rings!

Playlist

The Darkness - I Believe in a Thing Called Love
Smashing Pumpkins - Cherub Rock
Coldplay - God Put a Smile Upon Your Face
Placebo - This Picture
Nelly feat. City Spud - Ride with Me
Blur - Out of Time
Evanescence - Bring Me to Life
The Thrills - Big Sur
British Sea Power - Carrion
Van Halen - Jump
The Flaming Lips - Fight Test
The Cardigans - You're the Storm
Suede - Animal Nitrate

External Links

Cornwall Monkey Sanctuary Official Website

More info on this episode from Xfm.co.uk


Series 0 \| Series 1 \| Series 2 \| Series 3 \| Series 4
Presenters	Ricky Gervais \| Stephen Merchant \| Karl Pilkington
Others	Claire Sturgess \| Ian Camfield \| Simon Pegg \| Nick Frost
Features	Monkey News \| Rockbusters \| Song For The Ladies \| Song For The Lovers Hip-Hop Hooray \| Cheap as Chimps \| White Van Karl \| Songs of Phrase Cheeky Freak of the Week \| Do We Need 'Em? \| More...

@@ Line 1: / Line 1: @@
-Karl's Holiday in Cornwall recap--he and Suzanne took Karl's parents there. Steve has a go at Karl and Karl goes straght back, to Ricky's amusement. Steve--in Cuba they'll do literally anything for a dollar. But he couldn't get a prostitute for 2. "I'm not made of money." Karl talks about the weird lady in Cornwall--"I bet she finds a lot of money." Karl doesn't think it was really a holiday but finally admits, "All right, it was a holiday!"  Clogging up Karl's email...the listeners clogged up Ricky's and Steve's email instead. The Monkey Sanctuary...they were on their way. Karl notices it has no chimps there, it was NO monkey world, and he stops the trip--ABORT! just like in the movie Armageddon. So they went to 'sort of an amusement place' instead. Karl is into tanks? "Well, they're all right." Karl's dad has a go at the 'bloater' family.....he wanted to follow them to the house of mirrors to see what they looked like. Karl's mum got a nice snow white figure for 2.99, couldn't believe her luck. Karl's dad wants to be buried in a bin bag, not a coffin.  Then, a nice long discussion of the Trojan Horse story. Beware of Greeks bearing gifts "Will they say that in Greece as well" says Karl. Karl's dad told him two sayings that he recalled: "Don't try and teach your granny to suck eggs" and "Don't nudge your granny when she's having a shave." (especially if she's having a Brazilian!). Steve reads off this week's prizes, and Karl does Rockbusters, or tries to. Ricky guarantees Karl can't read the cryptic clues the same way each time. Rockbusters has a Jamaican fella again. Classic story then about Karl's dad as a train engineer apprentice--the conductor goes into the Pub, he has to move the train, he puts the brakes on late, he injures himself, gets three weeks paid time off, the conductor gets fired, 3-4 million pounds damage was done. Ricky--"I......love your family."
+{{Template:Infobox_Xfm_Series_2}}
-Karl can't play Crib with Suzanne and his Dad cause he cant count fast enough. So he does show prep on holiday by going thru one of Suzanne's magazines (Red). Swingers, women with crushes. And a women goes on about fancying STEVE--she has a list of "Unlikely Lust Objects." "Lanky Co-Writer" HAH! "well, we don't need to say anymore" says Karl.
-The lady emails the show later 'cause she was listening to the show, obviously a fan of the show and/or Steve. Steve wants to get a T-Shirt made about it -- UNLIKELY LUST OBJECT!. Karl talking about the gal..."I wouldn't waste my time."
+==Track Listing==
-People cueing up for the new Harry Potter book, Ricky--"oh GOD it really annoys me." The fact that adults read it. And Steve notices the conversation after an hour and a half had not moved on between the people cued up. Ricky--"she made 300 million pounds writing a book for her kids, well done."  Karl then tells how his mum wrote a story for him when he was young....the old 'rubbish' dog and the new little Labrador pup, and how the old rubbish dog ended up saving them both in the water cause the boy and the puppy couldnt swim.
+{|width=65% style="border-spacing:8px;margin:0px -8px"
-And now the Rockbusters answers--BF-- Buy on Ferrie (Bryan Ferry), D--Deli Meat Tree (Delameetree?), and a guy named Aiden emailed in "Dire Steaks"; and finally CD--Christ, Da-berg! (Chris DeBerg)  Ricky--"And who's that!?" "You've put the nail in the coffin of Rockbusters" "I'm just gonna keep saying 'you're an idiot' "
+!{{sectionhead|#EEEEEE|#AAAAAA|left|''For a full transcript of this episode see [[21 June 2003/Transcript]].''}}
-And now Monkey News--Karl's Dad saves it by having great monkey stories. Karl's Dad had a mate who had a chimp. And he had to thump it in the head--for trying it on with his wife. Ricky nearly has a coronary laughing at this story. They talk about interviewing this mate of Karl's dad and editing out the swearing to air it on radio. I don't know if they ever got around to doing this. Don't think so.
+|-
-Karl has a bonus--another fellow his Dad knows, a 'drag artist'?, and a chimp answered the door when he went around.
+|
-Then Ricky gives a new jingle--"Ooh, Chimpanzee That, Monkey News EXTRA."  Karl's extra monkey news is about the chimps in the Amazon, the other tribe of the 'rough' chimps from the other side of the island (from the 'rough bit'), and the origin of the term "Monkey Business"  A GREAT monkey news; a classic.
+|}
+====1. [[21 June 2003/Transcript#It Wasn't Even a Holiday|It Wasn't Even a Holiday]] ''(0:00:00)''====
+Ricky loves The Darkness.  Jools Holland wasn't allowed to play boogie woogie.  Karl starts in early [[Karl vs. Steve|ripping on Steve's thrift]].  Steve's last holiday was in Cuba, where they'll do anything for a dollar.  Karl begins to report on his trip to Cornwall, which has a lot of "messed up old people".  A woman with a bad neck and [[Suzanne]] as Karl's mummy.  They tried to set up a meeting but Steve wouldn't go.
+====2. [[21 June 2003/Transcript#Monkey Spotted Holidaying in Cornwall|Monkey Spotted Holidaying in Cornwall]] ''(0:05:09)''====
+A listener has sent in a clever email.  Ricky and Steve had asked the listeners to annoy Karl on email but they sent all of them to Ricky.  Karl recounts his attempt to visit Monkey World, but it wasn't Monkey World so Karl aborted the mission.  They went to an amusement park instead, and [[Karl's Dad|Karl's dad]] wanted to follow a fat family into the House of Mirrors.  [[Karl's Mam|Karl's mam]] bought a figurine for £2.99.  Karl's into tanks.  Don't waste money on funerals.
+====3. [[21 June 2003/Transcript#Build A Big Horse, Hide Inside It|Build A Big Horse, Hide Inside It]] ''(0:11:47)''====
+Steve brings up The Trojan Horse story, about which Karl is not familiar.  Ricky and Steve don't think it was such a great idea and riff other possibilities.  Sort of an informal [[Educating Karl]].
+====4. [[21 June 2003/Transcript#Beware Greeks Bearing Gifts|Beware Greeks Bearing Gifts]] ''(0:17:31)''====
+Karl imagines Christmas Day would be rubbish per an expression he's just learned.  You may as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb.  Don't try to teach your granny to suck eggs.  Don't nudge your granny when she's shaving.  Horrifying innuendo about Karl's granny depilating her nether regions.  Steve reads the [[Rockbusters]] prizes.  Ricky guesses which songs are on a compilation based on the band. Karl reads the clues.
+====5. [[21 June 2003/Transcript#I Love Your Family|I Love Your Family]] ''(0:24:50)''====
+A story about Karl's 18 year old father who worked on a Manchester train and caused £3-4m damage. The station was shut for 4 weeks, he hurt his wrist, and got paid for 3 weeks off sick.  Ricky and Steve love it.
+====6. [[21 June 2003/Transcript#Unlikely Lust Objects|Unlikely Lust Objects]] ''(0:28:55)''====
+More empty threats from Ricky about Rockbusters.  Karl reads the Rockbusters clues again, this time with feeling.  How does Karl get so many holidays?  Karl's dad and Suzanne played crib but Karl's not good enough at maths to play.  Karl researched swingers in one of Suzanne's magazines and has some thoughts.  Women still get crushes.  "Lanky co-writer" has finally made a list.  Karl wouldn't waste his time on the woman who wrote the list.
+====7. [[21 June 2003/Transcript#Is She a Swinger?|Is She a Swinger]] ''(0:35:19)''====
+Did Steve make the freak list?  The woman who wrote the list has emailed in, quite offended.  Karl has another diss for her.  Lisa Riley jokes.
+====8. [[21 June 2003/Transcript#Apparently She Cried When She Finished the Last One|Apparently She Cried When She Finished the Last One]]  ''(0:38:01)''====
+Ricky and Steve hate adults who read Harry Potter.  Steve overheard some waiting outside Waterstones in Hampstead.  Back to the woman who made the list and Karl is scared to say anymore.  He's suddenly attracted to her picture.  Karl didn't read Harry Potter because he confused it with Beatrix Potter.  Karl's mam used to make up stories for Karl as a kid, including one about a little red car and another about a kid who had two dogs.
+====9. [[21 June 2003/Transcript#The Worst You've Ever Done|The Worst You've Ever Done]] ''(0:43:42)''====
+Karl finishes his mam's dog story.  Even the mental fans aren't getting the Rockbusters clues.  Karl's got the answers and what answers they are.  Dire Steaks?
+====10. [[21 June 2003/Transcript#Had To Thump It In the Head|Had To Thump It In the Head]] ''(0:51:28)''====
+[[Monkey News]] this week is provided by Karl's dad, who had a mate with a chimp who tried it on with his wife.  Once when Karl's dad went over the house, the chimp answered the door.  A ''Monkey News Extra'' is the etymology of the expression [[Fan Animations#Monkey Business|"monkey business"]].  Ricky is in hysterics and Karl tries to end the show but Steve won't let him.
+==Rockbusters==
+If you're going to France by a boat, I'd get your fags on there 'cause it's a lot cheaper. <span title="Bryan Ferry" style="color: red" id=title>B.F.</span><br>
+This little foreign cafe is growing its own steak. <span title="Del Amitri" style="color: red" id=title>D.</span><br>
+The Jamaican fella might have screamed this on the Titanic. <span title="Chris De Burgh" style="color: red" id=title>C.D.</span><br>
+==Quotes==
+'''Karl''': The only reason you don't go on holiday, is 'cause you have to spend money.<br>
+<br>
+'''Ricky''': So we've got nothing prepared for this show?<br>
+'''Karl''': Well, you can rely on Rockbusters. <br>
+'''Steve''': We've got nothing.<br>
+<br>
+'''a listener''': Does Karl have any Trojan in him?<br>
+'''Karl''': What?<br>
+<br>
+'''Karl''': "Lanky co-writer ... " <br>
+'''Steve''': What do you mean, 'lanky co-writer'?<br>
+'''Karl''': Well, do I need to say any more?<br>
+<br>
+'''Karl''': Turns out it was another load of monkeys from another part of the island...from the rough bit...<br>
+(Ricky and Steve laugh)<br>
+'''Ricky''': From the rough bit! From the rough bit! I love it! They went to a middle class area!<br>
+'''Steve''': They're the ones with the leather jackets and the ear rings!
+==Playlist==
+The Darkness - ''I Believe in a Thing Called Love''<br>
+Smashing Pumpkins - ''Cherub Rock''<br>
+Coldplay - ''God Put a Smile Upon Your Face'' <br>
+Placebo - ''This Picture''<br>
+Nelly feat. City Spud - ''Ride with Me''<br>
+Blur - ''Out of Time''<br>
+Evanescence - ''Bring Me to Life''<br>
+The Thrills - ''Big Sur''<br>
+British Sea Power - ''Carrion''<br>
+Van Halen - ''Jump''<br>
+The Flaming Lips - ''Fight Test''<br>
+The Cardigans - ''You're the Storm''<br>
+[[Suede]] - ''Animal Nitrate''
+==External Links==
+* [http://www.monkeysanctuary.org/ Cornwall Monkey Sanctuary] Official Website
+*{{Xfm|id=31821}}
+{{Xfm Box}}
+[[Category:Episode Pages|2.43]]


Series 0 \| Series 1 \| Series 2 \| Series 3 \| Series 4
Presenters	Ricky Gervais \| Stephen Merchant \| Karl Pilkington
Others	Claire Sturgess \| Ian Camfield \| Simon Pegg \| Nick Frost
Features	Monkey News \| Rockbusters \| Song For The Ladies \| Song For The Lovers Hip-Hop Hooray \| Cheap as Chimps \| White Van Karl \| Songs of Phrase Cheeky Freak of the Week \| Do We Need 'Em? \| More...