12 July 2003: Difference between revisions

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That was Jane's Addiction--JUST BECAUSE
{{Template:Infobox_Xfm_Series_2}}
Censorship rears its ugly head. The spot Ricky and Steve made the day before, will not be on air. The MD and Karl are afraid of a fine and losing their jobs. Wish we could hear that spot--I bet it was good.
Karl--"to be honest i'd turn off today, cause there's nothin'!"
Ricky--"Have we got monkey news karl?"
Karl--"I dont know, I cant be bothered"
Ricky--LHAO
Telling stories about getting caught swearing. Karl has school-days stories.
Steve and Ricky then have some stories about how kids treated teachers at school.
How they could wind up the teachers. Kids playing mind games with teachers. Steve had one about a teacher who had a cat that got run over. Ricky had a french class story--swearing on tape for french class. the teacher went mental. Smithers is shit---Dicky Bird. etc. "I'm glad you think it's funny mister Gervais!!!"
These stories cheer karl up a little bit.
Does Karl have any school-days stories? Karl was the kind of kid who never had a pen. After the first couple weeks down, karl woulda lost his pen.
But Karl's class had to draw pictures--"draw a birds-eye view of your house" so the teachers could see which family had nicked the stuff. Since stuff went missing. "No that's not a split tennis ball, that's me auntie nora's..." says ricky.
Today's Songs of Phrase is "No more cheeky freak of the week"
Darkness--Growing on Me...70s rock. it's nice to have rock back. high five mate. sweet sweet.
And now multiple playings of "No...more...cheeky..freaky of the...weeek"
Steve--"let's just name the artists" then lists the prizes.
An email from an expectant father, "how do you coaxe the baby out?"
karl--"no..i wouldnt rush out. it's not good out here. and now suzanne's mate is expecting, so suzanne now wants one"
karl now slags off baby pictures.
And now a story about a 70 year old who didnt get served a beer cause they thought he was a baby. it's weird, innit?
ricky..."right--play a record, you're an idiot"
ricky..."can we run this station for a week?"
steve..."well, we'd have to fire ourselves. does 'pissing in the wind' mean anything to you?"
ricky--"why don't we pre-reoord the whole show. we'd only have to come in once.
karl


karl
==Track Listing==
karl
karl


karl
====1. I'd Turn Off Today, Because There's Nothing ''(0:00:00)'' ====
karl"
A very tense start to the show. Ricky and Steve recorded a sketch about the radio authority, but the head of [[Xfm]], Andrew Phillips, banned Karl from playing it due to the swearing. Is Karl being a coward? Listener Dan reckons he could fill in for Karl as producer, which is handy as Karl insists he won't be doing the show anymore. Ricky gets worried as Karl ventures into the realms of blasphemy.
steve--"play a song he's driving ME mad now"


"karl
====2. Behind The Bike Sheds Having A Swear ''(0:09:00)''====
karl
Karl's mate got caught by swearing at school by a teacher, and had to write an essay full of swearwords as punishment. Unfortunately his mam found the essay and thought he was depressed. Did the same teacher hit Karl on the head with a block of wood?
karl"
This leads to a discussion about winding up teachers, it appears Ricky's sense of humour hasn't matured much, as he and Steve hum to annoy Karl.
A girl named Summer had gone missing but was found reading a book


but-her dad changed his name to ''Dragon'' what?
====3. My Little Conspiracy ''(0:17:20)''====
karl"when i was 7 i wanted to be called Brett" he had a mate called brett
Karl reckons his teachers made the pupils at school draw the content of their homes to find out who'd been nicking stuff.
[[Auntie Nora|Auntie Nora's]] genitals get yet another mention. Shall we play [[Songs of Phrase]]?, the phrase is 'No More Cheeky Freak of the Week,' which has been axed because it's offensive. Karl quotes a line from the news about Siamese twins, which Ricky finds offensive.


karl got his name because his mum got pneumonia and had a dream when she was pregnant. the doctor's name was karl in the dream.
====4. No More Cheeky Freak Of The Week ''(0:22:09)''====
Three bits of depressing news this week. An old woman who swallowed a fork after swallowing a cockroach. This leads to the discussion of someone who had a bottle stuck up his arse. The doctor's notes said something like, "the story might have been more believable if Safeway sold HP Source with condoms already attached"
Ricky proclaims his love for The Darkness, as we go into Songs Of Phrase. Steve thinks it's tricky, and so changes the rules so only the artists are required. Prizes include a Jools Holland DVD (with boogy-woogie piano over the top.) The answers begin to dribble in.
Karl--"I can't be bothered now. working with ricky is a nightmare"
 
Hastings--bed and breakfast for 40 quid, the weather's nice...
====5. Please Never Bring A Child Into The World Karl ''(0:25:25)''====
Steve--after the ads....songs of phrase answers.
Ricky comes up with his own
When Steve worked for a paper in Bristol, he had to call up a local hotel and ask what were the most unusual things left behind.
[[Rockbusters|Rockbuster]] - a Spanish archer, Elbow. Karl has a message for a soon to be born baby, 'I wouldn't rush out.. it's not good out here.' Karl's theory about old people being like babies has been vindicated, as an elderly man has been refused service in an off-license as he didn't look old enough. Ricky wants to run Xfm for a week, and see if they can sort it out. Conversation descends into Ricky repeatedly saying 'Karl,' it's driving Steve mad now.
The things--a chicken and a false leg. Where can you find these two things except on Paul McCartney's farm?
 
Discussion goes on to pirate peg legs, pirate hooks, etc.
====6. What's His Point? ''(0:30:07)''====
Songs of Phrase answers. Paul McCartney, Cheeky Girls, Sugar Babes, Space, and Beatles.
Ricky recalls hearing a Capital FM DJ's thoughts on the case of a [http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/southern_counties/3054386.stm missing girl named Summer]. Steve notes how her father had changed his name to 'Dragon,' Karl wanted to change his name to Brett when he was younger. Karl's name derives from a dream his mother had when she was pregnant, in which a doctor named Karl saved her life. Pilkington thinks he's done alright for himself, and advises any kids listening not to worry about getting qualifications, and maybe get a job at Xfm instead. Karl's going on holiday again, this time to Hastings.
Ricky--"where's Dicky Anderson?"
 
and now an aggressive jingle for monkey news: Karl gives a recap of recent monkey news, true or not...
====7. There Was An Old Woman Who swallowed A Cockroach ''(0:34:01)''====
There's a monkey prison in India. What a zoo? Karl has trouble saying THEFT, so after a while he changes it to ROBBIN' since Ricky won't let it go. Steve has an on-air read of the story. Seems this story might actually be true. Karl--"for Robbin' an' that"
Karl tells a depressing news story about an old woman who swallowed a cockroach and a fork. It sounds suspiciously like an old nursery rhyme. Karl can't be bothered to finish the anecdote, and they play a song instead, this winds up Steve even more.
Seems the monkeys were trained to steal an' that.
Steve--"Do they get conjugal rights?"
====8. Why Did He Put A Condom On It? ''(0:36:03)''====
Karl didnt catch the meaning of this of course.
Karl is going to Hastings just to chill out, and doesn't want Ricky to go with him. The woman who swallowed a fork had an x-ray taken, Ricky wonders whether she really swallowed it, or if it got into her abdomen a different way. Karl knows what Ricky is getting at, as Ricky tells the timeless anecdote about a bloke, a rectum, a condom, a sauce bottle, and a skeptical doctor. Steve is pleased that the man in question was practicing 'safe sauce'.
and the show ends with that...
 
====9. Who Left Behind A False Leg?  ''(0:40:50)''====
Steve once wrote up a story for a Bristol newspaper about things left behind in hotel rooms, these included a chicken and a false leg, items usually found in Paul McCartney's farm. Why didn't pirates have realistic fake legs? Why did they have hooks? [[Jane]] went to school with a boy who  could fasten different implements on his false hand.
 
====10. If you're Not Interested In It Karl... ''(0:44:20)''====
Karl takes yet more abuse over the censorship scandal. The Songs of Phrase answers are given out, James Walters in Colchester has won. Where's [[Richard Anderson|Dicky Anderson]]? They think he'd be impressed with this show.
 
====11. Parole Unlikely For Inmates Of Monkey Prison ''(0:45:38)''====
As the show limps towards the end, [[Monkey News]] appears. Karl has covered a lot of Monkey crime, but without showing the consequences, it turns out there's a monkey prison in India. Ricky is skeptical and insists it's only for aggressive wild animals, Karl thinks it's for other crimes as well, his argument is undermined though as he can't pronounce 'theft'. Steve reads Karl's source, it's credible. The show ends abruptly with Karl not understanding the phrase 'conjugal rights', he's off to Hastings.
 
==Quotes==
'''Karl''': I bet Jesus swore.<BR><br>
'''Karl''': I hate him, I hate him, I hate him!<br><br>
'''Karl''': I'll tell you what annoys me though...<br>
'''Ricky''': Me.<br>
'''Karl''': ...Well you do and everyone knows that.<br>
 
 
'''Steve''': Rick, I can tell you now that the answers to "Songs of Phrase" are quite literally dribbling in ...<br>
 
==Songs of Phrase==
'''No More Cheeky Freak Of The Week'''
 
<br>Paul McCartney - "No More Lonely Nights" (No more)
<br>The Cheeky Girls - "The Cheeky Song" (cheeky)
<br>Sugababes - "Freak Like Me" (freak)
<br>Space - "Female Of The Species" (of the)
<br>The Beatles - "Eight Days A Week" (week.)
 
==Playlist==
Jane's Addiction - ''Just Because''<br>
Elvis Costello - ''Accidents will Happen''<br>
The Thrills - ''Big Sur'''<br>
The Pretenders - ''Kid''<br>
Placebo - ''This Picture''<br>
Longview - ''Further''<br>
Billy Bragg - ''Waiting For The Great Leap Forward''<br>
The Psychedelic Furs - ''Pretty In Pink''<br>
The Darkness - ''You're Really Growing On Me''<br>
Elbow - ''Red''<br>
Black Rebel Motorcycle Club - ''Stop''<br>
The Verve - ''Lucky Man''<br>
Red Hot Chili Peppers - ''Universally Speaking''<br>
Blackalicious - ''Deception''<br>
Placebo - ''This Picture''<br>
 
==External Links==
[http://www.poppyfields.net/poppy/songs/oldwoman.html The 'There Was An Old Woman' Nursery Rhyme] <br>
[http://www.visithastings.com/ Hastings Tourism Website]<br>
[http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/southern_counties/3054386.stm BBC News article about the missing girl]<br>
{{Xfm Box}}
 
[[Category:Episode Pages|2.46]]

Latest revision as of 09:53, 31 July 2020

Xfm Series 2
August 2002 - August 2003
List of episodes

Episodes:

  1. 24 August 2002 (Transcript)
  2. 31 August 2002 (Transcript)
  3. 07 September 2002 (Transcript)
  4. 14 September 2002 (Transcript) ('Best of')
  5. 21 September 2002 (Transcript)
  6. 28 September 2002 (Transcript)
  7. 05 October 2002 (Transcript)
  8. 12 October 2002 (Transcript)
  9. 19 October 2002 (Transcript)
  10. 26 October 2002 (Transcript)
  11. 02 November 2002 (Transcript)
  12. 09 November 2002 (Transcript)
  13. 16 November 2002 (Transcript)
  14. 23 November 2002 (Transcript)
  15. 30 November 2002 (Transcript)
  16. 07 December 2002 (Transcript)
  17. 14 December 2002 (Transcript)
  18. 21 December 2002 (Transcript)
  19. 28 December 2002 (Transcript) ('Best of')
  20. 04 January 2003 (Transcript)
  21. 11 January 2003 (Transcript)
  22. 18 January 2003 (Transcript)
  23. 25 January 2003 (Transcript)
  24. 01 February 2003 (Transcript)
  25. 08 February 2003 (Transcript)
  26. 15 February 2003 (Transcript)
  27. 22 February 2003 (Transcript) ('Best of')
  28. 01 March 2003 (Transcript) ('Best of')
  29. 08 March 2003 (Transcript)
  30. 15 March 2003 (Transcript)
  31. 22 March 2003 (Transcript)
  32. 29 March 2003 (Transcript)
  33. 05 April 2003 (Transcript)
  34. 12 April 2003 (Transcript)
  35. 19 April 2003 (Transcript)
  36. 26 April 2003 (Transcript)
  37. 03 May 2003 (Transcript)
  38. 10 May 2003 (Transcript)
  39. 17 May 2003 (Transcript)
  40. 31 May 2003 (Transcript)
  41. 07 June 2003 (Transcript)
  42. 14 June 2003 (Transcript)
  43. 21 June 2003 (Transcript)
  44. 28 June 2003
  45. 05 July 2003
  46. 12 July 2003
  47. 19 July 2003
  48. 26 July 2003
  49. 02 August 2003
  50. 09 August 2003
  51. 16 August 2003

Track Listing

1. I'd Turn Off Today, Because There's Nothing (0:00:00)

A very tense start to the show. Ricky and Steve recorded a sketch about the radio authority, but the head of Xfm, Andrew Phillips, banned Karl from playing it due to the swearing. Is Karl being a coward? Listener Dan reckons he could fill in for Karl as producer, which is handy as Karl insists he won't be doing the show anymore. Ricky gets worried as Karl ventures into the realms of blasphemy.

2. Behind The Bike Sheds Having A Swear (0:09:00)

Karl's mate got caught by swearing at school by a teacher, and had to write an essay full of swearwords as punishment. Unfortunately his mam found the essay and thought he was depressed. Did the same teacher hit Karl on the head with a block of wood? This leads to a discussion about winding up teachers, it appears Ricky's sense of humour hasn't matured much, as he and Steve hum to annoy Karl.

3. My Little Conspiracy (0:17:20)

Karl reckons his teachers made the pupils at school draw the content of their homes to find out who'd been nicking stuff. Auntie Nora's genitals get yet another mention. Shall we play Songs of Phrase?, the phrase is 'No More Cheeky Freak of the Week,' which has been axed because it's offensive. Karl quotes a line from the news about Siamese twins, which Ricky finds offensive.

4. No More Cheeky Freak Of The Week (0:22:09)

Ricky proclaims his love for The Darkness, as we go into Songs Of Phrase. Steve thinks it's tricky, and so changes the rules so only the artists are required. Prizes include a Jools Holland DVD (with boogy-woogie piano over the top.) The answers begin to dribble in.

5. Please Never Bring A Child Into The World Karl (0:25:25)

Ricky comes up with his own Rockbuster - a Spanish archer, Elbow. Karl has a message for a soon to be born baby, 'I wouldn't rush out.. it's not good out here.' Karl's theory about old people being like babies has been vindicated, as an elderly man has been refused service in an off-license as he didn't look old enough. Ricky wants to run Xfm for a week, and see if they can sort it out. Conversation descends into Ricky repeatedly saying 'Karl,' it's driving Steve mad now.

6. What's His Point? (0:30:07)

Ricky recalls hearing a Capital FM DJ's thoughts on the case of a missing girl named Summer. Steve notes how her father had changed his name to 'Dragon,' Karl wanted to change his name to Brett when he was younger. Karl's name derives from a dream his mother had when she was pregnant, in which a doctor named Karl saved her life. Pilkington thinks he's done alright for himself, and advises any kids listening not to worry about getting qualifications, and maybe get a job at Xfm instead. Karl's going on holiday again, this time to Hastings.

7. There Was An Old Woman Who swallowed A Cockroach (0:34:01)

Karl tells a depressing news story about an old woman who swallowed a cockroach and a fork. It sounds suspiciously like an old nursery rhyme. Karl can't be bothered to finish the anecdote, and they play a song instead, this winds up Steve even more.

8. Why Did He Put A Condom On It? (0:36:03)

Karl is going to Hastings just to chill out, and doesn't want Ricky to go with him. The woman who swallowed a fork had an x-ray taken, Ricky wonders whether she really swallowed it, or if it got into her abdomen a different way. Karl knows what Ricky is getting at, as Ricky tells the timeless anecdote about a bloke, a rectum, a condom, a sauce bottle, and a skeptical doctor. Steve is pleased that the man in question was practicing 'safe sauce'.

9. Who Left Behind A False Leg? (0:40:50)

Steve once wrote up a story for a Bristol newspaper about things left behind in hotel rooms, these included a chicken and a false leg, items usually found in Paul McCartney's farm. Why didn't pirates have realistic fake legs? Why did they have hooks? Jane went to school with a boy who could fasten different implements on his false hand.

10. If you're Not Interested In It Karl... (0:44:20)

Karl takes yet more abuse over the censorship scandal. The Songs of Phrase answers are given out, James Walters in Colchester has won. Where's Dicky Anderson? They think he'd be impressed with this show.

11. Parole Unlikely For Inmates Of Monkey Prison (0:45:38)

As the show limps towards the end, Monkey News appears. Karl has covered a lot of Monkey crime, but without showing the consequences, it turns out there's a monkey prison in India. Ricky is skeptical and insists it's only for aggressive wild animals, Karl thinks it's for other crimes as well, his argument is undermined though as he can't pronounce 'theft'. Steve reads Karl's source, it's credible. The show ends abruptly with Karl not understanding the phrase 'conjugal rights', he's off to Hastings.

Quotes

Karl: I bet Jesus swore.

Karl: I hate him, I hate him, I hate him!

Karl: I'll tell you what annoys me though...
Ricky: Me.
Karl: ...Well you do and everyone knows that.


Steve: Rick, I can tell you now that the answers to "Songs of Phrase" are quite literally dribbling in ...

Songs of Phrase

No More Cheeky Freak Of The Week


Paul McCartney - "No More Lonely Nights" (No more)
The Cheeky Girls - "The Cheeky Song" (cheeky)
Sugababes - "Freak Like Me" (freak)
Space - "Female Of The Species" (of the)
The Beatles - "Eight Days A Week" (week.)

Playlist

Jane's Addiction - Just Because
Elvis Costello - Accidents will Happen
The Thrills - Big Sur'
The Pretenders - Kid
Placebo - This Picture
Longview - Further
Billy Bragg - Waiting For The Great Leap Forward
The Psychedelic Furs - Pretty In Pink
The Darkness - You're Really Growing On Me
Elbow - Red
Black Rebel Motorcycle Club - Stop
The Verve - Lucky Man
Red Hot Chili Peppers - Universally Speaking
Blackalicious - Deception
Placebo - This Picture

External Links

The 'There Was An Old Woman' Nursery Rhyme
Hastings Tourism Website
BBC News article about the missing girl

Series 0   |   Series 1   |   Series 2   |   Series 3   |   Series 4
Presenters Ricky Gervais | Stephen Merchant | Karl Pilkington
Others Claire Sturgess | Ian Camfield | Simon Pegg | Nick Frost
Features Monkey News | Rockbusters | Song For The Ladies | Song For The Lovers
Hip-Hop Hooray | Cheap as Chimps | White Van Karl | Songs of Phrase
Cheeky Freak of the Week | Do We Need 'Em? | More...
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