24 August 2002

Xfm Series 2 August 2002 - August 2003 List of episodes

Episodes: 24 August 2002 (Transcript) 31 August 2002 (Transcript) 07 September 2002 (Transcript) 14 September 2002 (Transcript) ('Best of') 21 September 2002 (Transcript) 28 September 2002 (Transcript) 05 October 2002 (Transcript) 12 October 2002 (Transcript) 19 October 2002 (Transcript) 26 October 2002 (Transcript) 02 November 2002 (Transcript) 09 November 2002 (Transcript) 16 November 2002 (Transcript) 23 November 2002 (Transcript) 30 November 2002 (Transcript) 07 December 2002 (Transcript) 14 December 2002 (Transcript) 21 December 2002 (Transcript) 28 December 2002 (Transcript) ('Best of') 04 January 2003 (Transcript) 11 January 2003 (Transcript) 18 January 2003 (Transcript) 25 January 2003 (Transcript) 01 February 2003 (Transcript) 08 February 2003 (Transcript) 15 February 2003 (Transcript) 22 February 2003 (Transcript) ('Best of') 01 March 2003 (Transcript) ('Best of') 08 March 2003 (Transcript) 15 March 2003 (Transcript) 22 March 2003 (Transcript) 29 March 2003 (Transcript) 05 April 2003 (Transcript) 12 April 2003 (Transcript) 19 April 2003 (Transcript) 26 April 2003 (Transcript) 03 May 2003 (Transcript) 10 May 2003 (Transcript) 17 May 2003 (Transcript) 31 May 2003 (Transcript) 07 June 2003 (Transcript) 14 June 2003 (Transcript) 21 June 2003 (Transcript) 28 June 2003 05 July 2003 12 July 2003 19 July 2003 26 July 2003 02 August 2003 09 August 2003 16 August 2003

24 August 2002 begins with Ricky, Steve and Karl comparing their individual journeys back from the Edinburgh Festival. Karl, who spent the week producing Simon Pegg and Nick Frost's Xfm show, tells ghost stories they'd told him to Ricky and Steve. Later, Karl mishears 'mammoth' as 'man moth'.

Track Listing

For a full transcript of this episode see 24 August 2002/Transcript.

1. A Licky Boom Boom Down (0:00:00)

During the show's introductions Steve raps 'Informer' by Snow.

2. Croque-Monsieur (0:00:47)

Ricky enthuses about The Only Ones' Another Girl Another Planet but suddenly worries he might be turning into a earnest simpleton. Steve asks about Ricky's lunch, a grilled bacon and cheese sandwich.

3. Planes, Trains and Awfulmobiles (0:03:24)

Yesterday Ricky and Steve were invited to speak at Edinburgh International Television Festival. On the way back Ricky took the train while Steve took a plane. But because Steve had to drop Ricky at the train station, Steve missed his flight and had to pay £165 to get another ticket. Thrifty Steve wants reparations from Ricky.

4. Casino Steve (0:07:38)

Steve's travel woes are compounded when Ricky remembers that Steve was boasting about how he was going to get home much sooner than Ricky would. Steve has 2 credit cards, fortunately, but he doesn't like to spend money as evidenced by his taking the tube back home from the airport and buying a shirt for £14.99 at Henny's. Ricky then remembers a time Steve lost £20 at a casino and was quite depressed, and another time he thought he was a high roller when he won three £10 chips at a casino. Ricky says Steve doesn't like to waste money, and by that, he means spend money.

5. Fancying a Tramp (0:11:46)

Karl talks about his journey back from Edinburgh. He's annoyed because people wanted to sit next to each other and it was only 40 minutes. More banter about Steve's thriftiness - he just wants to get value for money at all times. He rants about girls who don't tell him they have boyfriends, and wonders whether it's wrong to give money to a homeless girl because he fancies her.

6. Simon and Nick's Ghost Stories (0:16:39)

Karl got to spend time in Edinburgh with Simon Pegg and Nick Frost and loves them. Ricky thinks it's because they believe in ghosts. Karl then tells some ghost stories including one about a man who had his head chopped off then blinked fifteen times to prove he was still alive. In another, a poltergeist from Nick Frost's auntie's house can move furniture but can't open doors, but it turns out there wasn't a poltergeist but a baby with telekinetic abilities, which annoyed them. Steve says "One part annoying to two parts scary."

7. The Fire, the Wife, and the Cat (0:23:54)

Ricky recounts another ghost story from Karl, this time about man who was getting hassled "about a fire that didn't happen, about a wife that didn't exist and a cat that didn't look happy". Steve introduces the next song, Warren Zevon's Werewolves of London, and tells Karl not to be scared.

8. Lycanthropy and Manhole Covers (0:27:49)

Karl believes that abandoned children that have been brought up by wolves tend to turn hairy, and that when scientists put a manhole cover on top of a nuclear bomb and detonated it, the manhole cover was never seen again. Ricky falls on the floor laughing.

9. White Van Karl - Man-Moths (0:31:19)

Ricky and Steve probe Karl on his opinions on current affairs. This week's topics are Prince Harry smoking and scientists cloning mammoths for a theme park, which Karl hears as man-moths. Ricky then asks Karl which would be the worst thing to have: lobster claws for hands, duck's feet, or one horn coming out of his head.

10. Paperboy Karl (0:38:01)

Steve is distracted because he's still thinking about the money he lost, and would like Ricky to contribute. Ricky is so happy to be back, but Karl is tired and grumpy. Edinburgh was the first time Steve's seen Karl enjoy anything, which brings them to the other thing Karl liked: his childhood paper round. He thinks it was the best delivery service they ever would have had. If the money was right, Karl would still do it.

11. Wilde (0:41:31)

A quick link in which Ricky fumbles his words, but "compared to Karl, I'm Oscar Wilde".

12. Hard To Swallow (0:41:55)

Karl claims that you have to swallow oysters whole because if you bite them you'll die, but then corrects himself by saying that they're fatal if you eat them and then drink whiskey. Ricky and Steve try to convince Karl again that werewolves don't exist. Karl has another dodgy belief, this time about slugs. When letters come in the mail that look as if it's been opened, it's not postmen having a sneaky look, but actually London snails eating the glue off the stamps and envelopes' seals. Karl asks any doctors or postmen that may be listening to ring in to confirm this fact.

Quotes

Karl: It's the baby that had the power.
Ricky: It's the baby that had the power, the power of telekinesis!

Ricky: Why did you tell me that story and what did you think was weird about that?
Karl: The fact that it was three different people hassling him about a fire that didn't happen, about a wife that didn't exist and a cat that didn't look happy.

Karl: I could've turned to drugs where I grew up, but I said I don't want to do that, it's not good for you, so I avoided it.
Ricky: You turned to ghosts.

Steve: Scientists are planning to clone mammoths for a theme park.
Ricky: Is that the best news you could have?
Karl: Man moths?
Ricky: Yeah, it's a human being that hides in your wardrobe eats an entire jacket in a day. What do you mean 'Man moths'!? Mammoths! Mammoths! The big hairy cow from the Ice Age. I mean... elephant.
Steve You're not so excited about that, then?

Playlist

Feeder - Come Back Around
The Only Ones - Another Girl, Another Planet
Coldplay - In My Place
Bruce Springsteen - Brilliant Disguise
Incubus - Are You In?
Richard Ashcroft - Check the Meaning
The Smiths - Cemetry Gates
The Cooper Temple Clause – Who Needs Enemies?
The Vines - Get Free
Warren Zevon - Werewolves of London
The Smashing Pumpkins - Today
Black Rebel Motorcycle Club - Spread Your Love
Jimmy Webb - Galveston
The Electric Soft Parade - Biting the Soles of My Feet
The Flaming Lips - Do You Realize??

External Links

• Steve tells Russell Brand about his interest in the homeless woman
• Watch the video for 'Informer' by Snow
• A report about the article that talked about snails and stamp glue
• The original article on children born hairy who were raised by wolves in August 2002's Fortean Times
• The original blurb about snails eating glue from August 2002's Fortean Times
• The original articles about the manhole cover that was never seen gain and the unhappy cat from September 2002's Fortean Times (which was published mid August, two weeks before the show aired)