07 December 2002

Xfm Series 2 August 2002 - August 2003 List of episodes

Episodes: 24 August 2002 (Transcript) 31 August 2002 (Transcript) 07 September 2002 (Transcript) 14 September 2002 (Transcript) ('Best of') 21 September 2002 (Transcript) 28 September 2002 (Transcript) 05 October 2002 (Transcript) 12 October 2002 (Transcript) 19 October 2002 (Transcript) 26 October 2002 (Transcript) 02 November 2002 (Transcript) 09 November 2002 (Transcript) 16 November 2002 (Transcript) 23 November 2002 (Transcript) 30 November 2002 (Transcript) 07 December 2002 (Transcript) 14 December 2002 (Transcript) 21 December 2002 (Transcript) 28 December 2002 (Transcript) ('Best of') 04 January 2003 (Transcript) 11 January 2003 (Transcript) 18 January 2003 (Transcript) 25 January 2003 (Transcript) 01 February 2003 (Transcript) 08 February 2003 (Transcript) 15 February 2003 (Transcript) 22 February 2003 (Transcript) ('Best of') 01 March 2003 (Transcript) ('Best of') 08 March 2003 (Transcript) 15 March 2003 (Transcript) 22 March 2003 (Transcript) 29 March 2003 (Transcript) 05 April 2003 (Transcript) 12 April 2003 (Transcript) 19 April 2003 (Transcript) 26 April 2003 (Transcript) 03 May 2003 (Transcript) 10 May 2003 (Transcript) 17 May 2003 (Transcript) 31 May 2003 (Transcript) 07 June 2003 (Transcript) 14 June 2003 (Transcript) 21 June 2003 (Transcript) 28 June 2003 05 July 2003 12 July 2003 19 July 2003 26 July 2003 02 August 2003 09 August 2003 16 August 2003

07 December 2002 features Karl's screen test for MTV. Ricky and Steve 'educating' Karl, alongside the usual Educating Ricky, by reading him two fictional stories which demonstrates how gullible Karl is when reading internet material.

Track Listing

1. Stressed Out (h:mm:ss)

Karl explains how stressed he is about today's MTV screen test as he is already overworked.

The Pixies - Debaser (00:02:32)

2. Ricky & Steve Are Jealous (0:03:17)

Ricky and Steve berate Karl for appearing on Zoe Ball's show throughout the past week.

3. New Segment Ideas (0:05:55)

Karl has some new segments ideas; Celebrity Fact Club, Through The Rick-key Hole.

Wu-Tang-Clan - The Gravel Pit (00:06:37)

4. Rockbusters (0:07:00)

Steve runs through the prizes for Rockbusters this week; "The Best Air Guitar Album In The World Vol: 2", "Best Songs You Have Heard In An Advert Ever" album, a Smashing Pumpkins Album, The Wicker Man DVD and a double VHS entitled "Wild Weather" - much to the mirth of the lads.

Karl gives the clues:
LZ: That will never get off the ground.
HH: That woman has got a pair of her husband's gloves and a pair of her own.
L: You'll get a right load of bacon off them.

David Bowie - Driving Saturday (00:11:17)

Lastly, Karl's mom writes in for the second time with her attempt of Rockbusters.

5. Do We Need These? (0:13:34)

After watching David Attenborough during the week Karl thinks he may be able to use MTV as a veichle for a show titled "Do We Need These?". The show would feature animals like whales and jellyfish and be interspersed with animal themed music.

Coldplay - In My Place (00:18:23) The Streets - It's Too Late (00:18:25)

6. Educating Karl (0:19:30)

Ricky and Steve present Karl with two made up stories to show his gullibility when reading internet material. The stories were:

1. Due to the Data Protection Act, companies are required to grind up all their silicon chips after use and some of these grains made their way to a bay in New England. Over time they began to notice that the crabs behaviour was changing and the crabs had taken on silicon and were starting to form geometric patterns. they decided to do some investigation and due to the way in which a crab's brain works they were able to draw out images from the crab's brain. As Ricky describes "you could release thousands of them onto enemy beaches and it would be like thousands of digital cameras". The story concludes with Ricky explaining to Karl that the baby crabs which came a few generations down the line had exactly the same memories as the original crabs.

2. An 8-and-a-half-month pregnant female body builder woke up one morning to find that her baby had been born (or as Ricky describes - "pushed itself out of her vagina") during the night without her noticing, the baby was very strong due to the hormones the woman had been taking and was pulling the woman down the bed using it's umbilical cord.

7. Educating Ricky (Parts 1 & 2) (0:28:55)

The headlines are:
1. Don't Rub It Too Hard You'll Get A Rasher
2. Enough Is An Anus
3. Wool It Like A Bloke Or A Woman

Oasis - The Indian Times (00:30:00)

Ricky chooses Enough Is An Anus which refers to a palm reading "fella" who found success in reading the arses of people who were ashamed of their nails. Karl also tells the story where he served biscuits and tea in an old peoples home for a day because he had nice hands and nails.

Radiohead - Let Down (00:34:37)

Ricky chooses Wool It Like A Bloke Or A Woman, which refers to research where scientists have found that there is somthing in ram's brains that make them gay or not.

8. Letter From Richard Anderson (0:41:32)

Steve reads out Anderson's latest letter. "Ricky. I think your show might be improving. That sense of dispair and lonliness I normally feel when I hear your show, doesn't seem so bad today."

Feeder - Just A Round Thing (00:41:56)

9. Fate In Karl's Life (0:42:30)

Karl's screentest is over, and says "if it's meant to be, it's meant to be". Karl then tells of how most of his success has been unexpected, sighting him playing the drums at a Christmas concert in primary school as an example.

10. Tricking Karl (0:46:20)

Ricky has another attempt at proving Karl's gullibility. This time, at Jonnathan Ross's birthday party an illusionist did a trick that ended with a man having appendix surgery to remove his card. Karl is having none of it, saying Ricky is crying wolf, and when Karl is a fireman he will not come to Ricky's house to put out the fire.

Ricky's last attempt at decieving Karl revolves around the saying "A Rolling Stone gathers no moss". Ricky says it began with Mick Jagger and Keith Richards never gathering their own weed.

The Undertones - Teenage Kicks (00:50:05)

11. Rockbusters Answers (0:50:15)

Karl is back with the answers for Rockbusters which are: Led Zepplin: That will never get off the ground.
Herman's Hermits: That woman has got a pair of her husband's gloves and a pair of her own.
Longpigs: You'll get a right load of bacon off them.

The winner of Rockbusters asks Karl how to get rid of slugs, to which Karl replys "put some stamps in your garden", as slugs supposedly like stamp glue.

12. Educating Ricky (Part 3) (0:52:48)

Lastly Karl expalins Don't Rub It Too Hard You'll Get A Rasher refers to the saying "hamming it up". Apparently in the old days, people used to rub bacon and face bricks on their face in liue of make-up.

13. Karl's Film Review (0:57:23)

To wrap up the show, Karl thinks as well as "Do We Need These?" he could do film reviews on MTV. He then provides a demo review of his favourite film "The Elephant Man".

The Libertines - Time For Heroes (00:59:06)

Quotes

KP: Bison. The wierdest looking thing you've ever seen. (17:55)
KP: Don't worry it won't last. It might just be a splash in the pan. (34:30)
KP: Phil Collins, next (34:36)
KP: Spark in the pan, or somthing. (45:25)
KP: Don't get down if your eyes are bad (49:48)
KP: The first time you watch it you'l probably cry a bit. The second time you watch it you will probably think - boy that would be bad having a head like that being picked on - the third time you are probably thinking, er, how does he get his jumper on, er, then dunno probably bored of it the fourth time. But, but it's well worth watching. (58:16)