09 November 2002
09 November 2002 features several famous Karl references including the infamous 'Wet-Knee Houston' Rockbusters clue, Karl's observation that "you never see an old man eating a twix", Karl's adventures in the Christian youth club 'Crusaders' and his attempt to confuse a computer....
Track Listing
| For a full transcript of this episode see 09 November 2002/Transcript |
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1. Karl Gets Aggro From a Tramp (0:00:00)
Steve's well chuffed as he thinks he got his arse pinched on the tube at Green Park and is planning to launch an investigation to track her down. Karl is put out that he has been called a 'dickhead' by a tramp after suggesting he 'dump all the Big Issues in the bin and go home'. Steve and Ricky give us a couple of short anecdotes about tramps and Ricky teases the listener(s?) with info on his upcoming charity boxing match.
2. Ricky 'Gyppo' Gervais (0:05:55)
Ricky reveals he is up against Anthea Turner's husband, Grant Bovey, for the charity boxing match. He is in need of a boxing name and suggested Ricky 'Gyppo' Gervais as a joke to the programme makers who didn't get it and told him it was offensive. Ricky puts it out to the listeners for ideas for names.
3. Karl The Crusader (0:10:49)
The suggestions for names are coming in thick and fast. Karl has a theory that choosing a good name might look bad if Ricky loses. Karl tells Ricky and Steve about his brief career in boxing and after Steve jibes Karl that he gives up too easily, Karl regales them of the Crusaders, a Christian Church club in Manchester that he went to but only on Fridays when they did the fun stuff like table tennis. After dodging the churchy side of the club on Sundays for several weeks, he was tracked down by the club manager who forced him to go and gives him a lift in his car. However, Karl dodges a bullet when the manager nearly kills him by mounting the kerb in his Mini and Karl uses this as an excuse not to go again. Steve informs us there's Educating Ricky and Rockbusters coming up later.
4. Wet-Knee Houston (0:21:06)
There's some cracking Rockbusters prizes this week in the form of various arbitrary CD's and DVD's as well as Steve's recently discovered copy of a VHS whilst he's moving house.....EXECUTIVE DECISION! The clues are read out and Ricky explodes when he works out the third, now classic, clue.
5. Dicky's Back (0:26:29)
Some more suggestions of boxing names for Ricky including 'Toad Rage'. Steve reads out the second email sent by Richard Anderson, querying what the actual point of the show is "...to confuse, irritate or depress?"
6. Karl Gives Ricky The Cold Shoulder (0:27:23)
It's the first part of Educating Ricky. Karl gives us this week's teaser titles "We'll have a big fire to-marrow", "He's a bit of a noose-ance" and "I'll ba-con in the morning if you're sick of having me here". Ricky opts for the latter and Karl informs him of the origins of the saying "to give someone the cold shoulder".
7. The Old Man And The Twix (0:31:52)
Karl's discovered a story on the internet about an 8-year old that still suckles from his mam's nipple and asks Ricky if he 'can get anything out of that?'. After querying how Karl came upon this story, Ricky explodes in laughter when Karl remembers he found it whilst trying to confuse the computer by typing in 'why?'. After discussing at length how to solve the problem of asking the woman to stop feeding her child in public (Karl would ask her to put the milk in a bowl first), Karl's classic observation is explained to Ricky that "you never see an old man eating a twix" as it "doesn't look right".
8. Karl's Bone-fire (0:38:39)
After Ricky's anecdote about how Karl got confused when he saw a parking ticket being issued to a piece of rubbish in Scotland, Steve suggests a special one-off return of White Van Karl for later in the show. The second Educating Ricky clue, "We'll have a big fire to-marrow", is read out and Karl explains the origins of the word 'Bonfire'.
9. The Boy Without A Brain (0:44:14)
Ricky's annoyed at Karl after he informs him of a boy that was born without a brain who laughs a lot but his hearing and sight are OK. White Van Karl is back for a one week only special. Karl and Ricky have stories about the mis-use of swear words by kids who don't understand the meaning and Steve has an anecdote of his introduction of the word 'twat' to his Dad who still uses it to this day despite not knowing the true meaning (which Steve later found out to his horror).
10. Money For Old Rope (0:50:47)
It's the final Educating Ricky story, "He's a bit of a noose-uisance". Karl gives Steve and Ricky the true story behind the origins of the saying 'Money For Old Rope' and throws in a useless bonus fact about hangmen as well. The answers for Rockbusters are revealed and the Wet-Knee Houston clue goes down in history. Karl quickly talks about Brian Blessed crapping himself atop Mount Everest again despite Karl's confusion as to why he would want to go for a second time as 'nothing's changed'.
Quotes
Karl: "Well, do you know what happened to me on the way in?".
Ricky+Steve: "Go on".
Karl: "Homeless person called me a dickhead".
Ricky: "How did he know?"
Steve: "Is there more Educating Ricky this week? Have we got that planned?".
Karl: "There is....we are struggling on that feature a bit now cos I feel like we've covered a lot of topics".
Ricky: "Well yeah, I know about hairy chinese kids and deaf people that can hit their head and hear again...so I don't think there's a lot more to learn in life".
Karl: "Well I'm trying to think what I put in... I think I put in 'why?' to see if I'd confuse the computer".
Karl: "It's like you don't see..it got me thinking about things you don't see and you don't see..."
Ricky: "Did you put this into a computer? Show me things you dont see?".
Steve: "What else dont you see?"
Karl: "Well...you don't see, like, an old man having a twix".
RICKY AND STEVE LAUGH
Ricky: "You know the terrible thing about all this Steve?....Is he's right!"
Karl: "But...so what they have got right, is they've made old man toffees haven't they? They've come up with Werthers..."
Ricky: "Is that a song? (sings) Old man toffee.......!"
Rockbusters
That army has got some well nice trenches. D.W.
The top of them curtains is all wrecked, all the materials all worn out. H.V.
I was in Texas the other week, I tripped and landed on my knee in a puddle. W.H.
Playlist
Coldplay - The Scientist
The Stone Roses - I Wanna Be Adored
Feeder - Come Back Around
Ice Cube - It Was A Good Day
The Hives - Hate To Say I Told You So
Bob Dylan - Just Like A Woman
Missy Elliot - Work It
Nirvana - The Man Who Sold The World
Electric 6 - Danger! High Voltage
Van Morrison And Them - Gloria
Free Association - I Wish I Had A Wooden Heart
Suede - Animal Nitrate
External Links
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| Others | Claire Sturgess | Ian Camfield | Simon Pegg | Nick Frost | |
| Features | Monkey News | Rockbusters | Song For The Ladies | Song For The Lovers Hip-Hop Hooray | Cheap as Chimps | White Van Karl | Songs of Phrase Cheeky Freak of the Week | Do We Need 'Em? | More... | |
