24 August 2002
24 August 2002 begins with Ricky, Steve and Karl comparing their individual journeys back from the Edinburgh Festival. Karl, who spent the week producing Simon Pegg and Nick Frost's Xfm show, tells ghost stories they'd told him to Ricky and Steve. Later, Karl mishears 'mammoth' as 'man moth'.
Track Listing
1. A Licky Boom Boom Down
During the show's introductions Steve raps 'Informer' by Snow.
2. Croque Monsoir
Ricky enthuses about The Only Ones' Another Girl Another Planet but suddenly worries he might be turning into a earnest simpleton. Steve asks about Ricky's lunch, a grilled ham and cheese sandwich.
3. Planes, Trains and Awfulmobiles
Yesterday Ricky and Steve were invited to speak at Edinburgh International Television Festival. On the way back Ricky took the train while Steve took a plane. But because Steve had to drop Ricky at the train station, Steve missed his flight and had to pay £165 to get another ticket. Thrifty Steve wants reparations from Ricky.
4. Casino Steve
Steve's travel woes are compounded when Ricky remembers that Steve was boasting about the bargain he got on the flight. Ricky then remembers that Steve thought he was a high roller when he won three £10 chips at a casino.
5. Fancying a Tramp
Karl talks about his journey back from Edinburgh, where he was producing Simon Pegg and Nick Frost's Xfm drivetime show. Steve wonders whether it's wrong to give money to a tramp because he fancies them?
6. Simon and Nick's Ghost Stories
Ricky gets jealous because Karl now likes Simon Pegg and Nick Frost better. Ricky thinks it's because Simon and Nick believe in ghosts. Karl then tells some ghost stories including one about a man who had his head chopped off then blinked fifteen times to prove he was still alive, and another about a poltergeist from Nick Frost's Auntie's house who can move furniture but can't open doors -but it turns out there wasn't a poltergeist, it was a baby with telekinetic abilities.
7. The Fire, The Wife and The Cat
Karl tells another ghost story about a man who was getting hassled "about a fire that didn't happen, about a wife that didn't exist and a cat that didn't look happy."
8. Lycanthropy
Karl explains that abandoned children that have been brought up by wolves tend to turn hairy, and that when scientists put a manhole cover on top of a nuclear bomb and detonated it, the manhole cover was never seen again.
9. White Van Karl
Ricky and Steve probe Karl on his opinions on current affairs. This week's topics are Prince Harry smoking and scientists cloning mammoths for a theme park -which Karl hears as 'Man Moths'. Ricky then asks Karl which would be the worst thing to have: lobster claws for hands, duck's feet, one horn coming out of his head.
10. Paperboy Karl
Karl reminisces about his childhood paper-round and says that if the money was right he'd still be doing it.
11. Wilde
A quick link in which Ricky has time to say "Compared to Karl, I'm Oscar Wilde".
12. Hard To Swallow
Karl claims that you have to swallow oysters whole because if you bite them you'll die, but then corrects himself by saying that they're fatal if you eat them and then drink whiskey. Karl also explains that when letters come in the mail that look as if it's been opened, it's not postmen having a sneaky look, it's actually London snails eating the glue off the stamps and envelopes seals.
13. Laughable Rocker
Steve plays a Bruce Springsteen track to convince people he's not a 'laughable rocker'.
Song For The Ladies: Bruce Springsteen - 'Darkness On The Edge of Town'.
Quotes
Karl: "It's the baby that had the power."
Ricky: "It's the baby that had the power, the power of telekinesis!"
Ricky: "Why did you tell me that story and what did you think was weird about that?"
Karl: "The fact that it was three different people hassling him about a fire that didn't happen, about a wife that didn't exist and a cat that didn't look happy."
Karl: I could've turned to drugs where I grew up, but I said I don't want to do that, it's not good for you, so I avoided it.
Ricky: You turned to ghosts.
Steve: Scientists are planning to clone mammoths for a theme park.
Ricky: Is that the best news you could have?
Karl: Man moths?
Ricky: Yeah, it's a human being that hides in your wardrobe eats an entire jacket in a day. What do you mean 'Man moths'!?
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| Series 0 | Series 1 | Series 2 | Series 3 | Series 4 | ||
| Presenters | Ricky Gervais | Stephen Merchant | Karl Pilkington | |
| Others | Claire Sturgess | Ian Camfield | Simon Pegg | Nick Frost | |
| Features | Monkey News | Rockbusters | Song For The Ladies | Song For The Lovers Hip-Hop Hooray | Cheap as Chimps | White Van Karl | Songs of Phrase Cheeky Freak of the Week | Do We Need 'Em? | More... | |
